Texts From Last Night · dmarie's Favorites

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dmarie's Favorites Texts:

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(631): View more from New York

This beer is not sobering me up at all

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(314): View more from Missouri

i don't want you to think of me as your TA

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(503): View more from Oregon

you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub

Fav 10 1030 6098
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(510): View more from California

i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

(303): View more from Colorado

Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

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