Texts From Last Night

zachneedg2's Favorites Texts:

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE

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  (614): Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE http://tfl.nu/myo8
  Replies (21) Good night (3914) Bad night (1411) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it

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  (781): if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it http://tfl.nu/706q
  Replies (4) Good night (3784) Bad night (1600) Order T-Shirt
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today

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  (225): ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today http://tfl.nu/mtu3
  Replies (17) Good night (1043) Bad night (9204) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  It's like God shit irony all over that family

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  (703): It's like God shit irony all over that family http://tfl.nu/i9ev
  Replies (45) Good night (2448) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  I'm on my way.

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  (804): my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now. (1-804): I'm on my way. http://tfl.nu/8nvt
  Replies (28) Good night (7046) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.

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  (513): My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked. http://tfl.nu/x6u7
  Replies (6) Good night (4447) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.

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  (604): when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible. http://tfl.nu/pxku
  Replies (19) Good night (4632) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.

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  (301): I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door. (215): Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go. http://tfl.nu/76is
  Replies (12) Good night (3591) Bad night (1589)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Walk of Shame time yet?

  (1+44): View more from

  Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?

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  (+44): Walk of Shame time yet? (1+44): Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling? http://tfl.nu/qcn9
  Replies (44) Good night (18437) Bad night (1311)
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  (415): View more from California

  You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.

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  (415): You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off. http://tfl.nu/eb22
  Replies (15) Good night (4669) Bad night (1708) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???

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  (770): Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives??? http://tfl.nu/8m9c
  Replies (65) Good night (7202) Bad night (1311) Order T-Shirt
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  (+30): View more from

  Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi

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  (+30): Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi http://tfl.nu/acnu
  Replies (13) Good night (6003) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks

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  (440): Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks http://tfl.nu/nonu
  Replies (21) Good night (7006) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66709) Bad night (2997) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)

  (650): View more from California

  nah, i'm gonna grab some food

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  (408): hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;) (650): nah, i'm gonna grab some food http://tfl.nu/jz1a
  Replies (120) Good night (4306) Bad night (35614)
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  (323): View more from California

  I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.

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  (323): I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom. http://tfl.nu/rbnh
  Replies (120) Good night (1494) Bad night (45246) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.

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  (210): I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast. http://tfl.nu/qvgk
  Replies (142) Good night (2103) Bad night (49756) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot

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  (505): I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot http://tfl.nu/gw1u
  Replies (378) Good night (1926) Bad night (53577) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

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  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (25736) Bad night (4383)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.

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  (602): Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote. http://tfl.nu/5km0
  Replies (128) Good night (1138) Bad night (34713)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.

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  (517): My own mom unfriended me on Facebook. http://tfl.nu/a468
  Replies (68) Good night (3735) Bad night (11293) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me

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  (773): At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me http://tfl.nu/wnez
  Replies (4) Good night (2603) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.

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  (206): Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking. http://tfl.nu/kuj0
  Replies (11) Good night (804) Bad night (4047)
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  (925): View more from California

  I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom

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  (925): I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom http://tfl.nu/lg7c
  Replies (6) Good night (2873) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?

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  (614): She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper? http://tfl.nu/v6av
  Replies (13) Good night (1336) Bad night (3401) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.

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  (904): I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once. http://tfl.nu/u86e
  Replies (71) Good night (12002) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.

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  (843): I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower. http://tfl.nu/3pc6
  Replies (15) Good night (4343) Bad night (1735) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.

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  (617): He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up. http://tfl.nu/h2lf
  Replies (23) Good night (8038) Bad night (4803) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just woke up to me licking the dognuts

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You mean Doughnuts?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  ......No :(

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  (602): I just woke up to me licking the dognuts (623): You mean Doughnuts? (602): ......No :( http://tfl.nu/8azm
  Replies (50) Good night (1176) Bad night (17171)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?

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  (845): Do brothers usually kiss their sisters? http://tfl.nu/7etx
  Replies (38) Good night (726) Bad night (9624) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".

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  (850): so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time". http://tfl.nu/gojq
  Replies (62) Good night (1038) Bad night (8956) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

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  (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room http://tfl.nu/3g7q
  Replies (128) Good night (7633) Bad night (60842) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.

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  (801): He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark. http://tfl.nu/qvx8
  Replies (7) Good night (4077) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".

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  (845): She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex". http://tfl.nu/cd1v
  Replies (42) Good night (19402) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...

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  (208): I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows... http://tfl.nu/dubx
  Replies (260) Good night (1928) Bad night (39980) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.

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  (314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present. http://tfl.nu/xf6g
  Replies (789) Good night (7328) Bad night (109902) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.

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  (604): she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me. http://tfl.nu/s0lh
  Replies (73) Good night (1132) Bad night (17396) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.

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  (+61): She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom. http://tfl.nu/ltjp
  Replies (43) Good night (1183) Bad night (9603) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.

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  (646): He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was. http://tfl.nu/uwpx
  Replies (24) Good night (967) Bad night (5552) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.

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  (512): I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order. http://tfl.nu/zk7q
  Replies (16) Good night (5644) Bad night (1284) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.

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  (727): He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple. http://tfl.nu/vn0p
  Replies (34) Good night (822) Bad night (12295) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  She saved the condom from the first time we did it.

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  (917): She saved the condom from the first time we did it. http://tfl.nu/b22a
  Replies (89) Good night (1704) Bad night (25929) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.

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  (740): id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag. http://tfl.nu/yqo6
  Replies (72) Good night (1240) Bad night (16101) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.

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  (305): I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming. http://tfl.nu/oxhe
  Replies (139) Good night (1619) Bad night (37771)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.

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  (240): He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter. http://tfl.nu/87g5
  Replies (53) Good night (1855) Bad night (13635) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...

  (623): View more from Arizona

  What did she do!?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I didn't tell her...

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  (602): So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her... (623): What did she do!? (602): I didn't tell her... http://tfl.nu/i351
  Replies (218) Good night (5112) Bad night (24278)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands

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  (304): you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands http://tfl.nu/eruj
  Replies (12) Good night (2820) Bad night (1392) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.

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  (303): I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder. http://tfl.nu/f12p
  Replies (21) Good night (9319) Bad night (1232)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.

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  (516): Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter. http://tfl.nu/yfry
  Replies (74) Good night (577) Bad night (6341) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.

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  (714): I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky. http://tfl.nu/5xyb
  Replies (31) Good night (14744) Bad night (1577) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.

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  (702): Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter. http://tfl.nu/2ees
  Replies (26) Good night (1474) Bad night (15969) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?

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  (503): He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off? http://tfl.nu/40hd
  Replies (9) Good night (4191) Bad night (699)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.

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  (317): Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good. http://tfl.nu/6afw
  Replies (30) Good night (8046) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
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  (368): View more from

  you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.

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  (368): you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning. http://tfl.nu/nfr6
  Replies (22) Good night (6750) Bad night (1201) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?

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  (614): Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln? http://tfl.nu/gtnh
  Replies (28) Good night (5907) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.

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  (902): you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face. http://tfl.nu/e2jp
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  (214): View more from Texas

  The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.

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  (214): The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson. http://tfl.nu/pxr8
  Replies (286) Good night (4135) Bad night (4141)
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  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

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  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
  Replies (175) Good night (6371) Bad night (79721) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.

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  (207): Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/f26o
  Replies (43) Good night (11687) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.

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  (814): No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock. http://tfl.nu/ts69
  Replies (20) Good night (2745) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.

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  (615): You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible. http://tfl.nu/1rrn
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Come find me please? Im in a ditch.

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  That doesn't help me much...

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm right under the moon!

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  (604): Come find me please? Im in a ditch. (1-604): That doesn't help me much... (604): I'm right under the moon! http://tfl.nu/u7hc
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  (516): View more from New York

  There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face

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  (516): There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face http://tfl.nu/9y4h
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.

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  (847): Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday? (708): We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us. http://tfl.nu/9z48
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love

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  (732): she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love http://tfl.nu/knwu
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he said i'm too pretty to suck penis

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  (336): he said i'm too pretty to suck penis http://tfl.nu/wzvb
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

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  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.

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  (757): Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever. http://tfl.nu/ml9k
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed

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  (540): Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed http://tfl.nu/7wu4
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.

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  (908): her vagina looked like a handful of raisins. http://tfl.nu/5whx
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time

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  (208): Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time http://tfl.nu/nmkk
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?

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  (504): how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades? http://tfl.nu/s5wu
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

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  (978): i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running. http://tfl.nu/jcc8
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.

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  (636): So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man. http://tfl.nu/8qmy
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

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  (304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.

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  (847): Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex. http://tfl.nu/aztc
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

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  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
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  (407): View more from Florida

  this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.

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  (407): this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god. http://tfl.nu/34d8
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  (914): View more from New York

  she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"

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  (914): she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it" http://tfl.nu/fy2z
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.

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  (334): God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises. http://tfl.nu/xfua
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

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  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
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  (714): View more from California

  Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me

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  (714): Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me http://tfl.nu/5ujc
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.

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  (774): It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God. http://tfl.nu/c3gg
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  (214): View more from Texas

  he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

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  (214): he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true' http://tfl.nu/1kz1
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  (315): View more from New York

  So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

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  (315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/ibfv
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.

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  (503): Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now. http://tfl.nu/gxcf
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.

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  (412): Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me. http://tfl.nu/z6ig
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.

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  (216): I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking. http://tfl.nu/dn0l
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.

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  (804): I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay. http://tfl.nu/7iul
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.

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  (614): No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog. http://tfl.nu/lwrd
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  (817): View more from Texas

  He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house

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  (817): He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house http://tfl.nu/yyye
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.

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  (480): This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner. http://tfl.nu/bzec
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.

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  (808): I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils. http://tfl.nu/b8ey
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy

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  (778): I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy http://tfl.nu/o3jf
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  his penis is PERFECT

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm

  (802): View more from Vermont

  or knit it little hat

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  (802): his penis is PERFECT (802): I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm (802): or knit it little hat http://tfl.nu/4cuj
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>

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  (302): she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to => http://tfl.nu/cnq4
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