Texts From Last Night

countryice's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops. http://tfl.nu/bn1i
  Replies (11) Good night (456) Bad night (1793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie. http://tfl.nu/1dd0
  Replies (7) Good night (2449) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester http://tfl.nu/20yd
  Replies (11) Good night (398) Bad night (2667)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  How about a mike?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Already had two of those

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day (617): How about a mike? (978): Already had two of those http://tfl.nu/wf5g
  Replies (4) Good night (1285) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated. http://tfl.nu/z915
  Replies (4) Good night (1171) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends. http://tfl.nu/ovl3
  Replies (12) Good night (3333) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Go back and try to find another to go home with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders? (501): Go back and try to find another to go home with. http://tfl.nu/r0ix
  Replies (9) Good night (2185) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality http://tfl.nu/1jam
  Replies (6) Good night (1168) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  dear god, who put you in a cab?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19. (856): dear god, who put you in a cab? http://tfl.nu/6o92
  Replies (21) Good night (4044) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots" http://tfl.nu/pkth
  Replies (12) Good night (4751) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower. http://tfl.nu/hbb7
  Replies (62) Good night (18590) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  So my game is weak??

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): So my game is weak?? (501): If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes. http://tfl.nu/3tou
  Replies (10) Good night (827) Bad night (3281)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain. http://tfl.nu/y5sc
  Replies (32) Good night (3732) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Responsible fail?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior? (773): Responsible fail? http://tfl.nu/nxhx
  Replies (19) Good night (1111) Bad night (5124)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't." http://tfl.nu/2qab
  Replies (3) Good night (1569) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY http://tfl.nu/1b9m
  Replies (26) Good night (2730) Bad night (955)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right? http://tfl.nu/a685
  Replies (14) Good night (2542) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk http://tfl.nu/tgll
  Replies (4) Good night (2560) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance http://tfl.nu/h8yt
  Replies (28) Good night (5614) Bad night (1356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall. http://tfl.nu/6zaz
  Replies (7) Good night (771) Bad night (3166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture http://tfl.nu/3npb
  Replies (11) Good night (3108) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten http://tfl.nu/sl88
  Replies (8) Good night (3104) Bad night (1533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets. http://tfl.nu/5i0f
  Replies (7) Good night (5748) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter. http://tfl.nu/55jx
  Replies (4) Good night (2775) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back. http://tfl.nu/kpg0
  Replies (20) Good night (10824) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent. http://tfl.nu/hcxv
  Replies (8) Good night (3763) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone http://tfl.nu/3ij4
  Replies (17) Good night (6111) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous http://tfl.nu/zfcd
  Replies (10) Good night (4666) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?! http://tfl.nu/krsv
  Replies (30) Good night (864) Bad night (6559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine http://tfl.nu/t8mm
  Replies (21) Good night (3248) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/yv47
  Replies (26) Good night (1350) Bad night (4094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones http://tfl.nu/0il5
  Replies (6) Good night (4571) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered. http://tfl.nu/u71a
  Replies (15) Good night (7057) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  The pine trees are waving at me.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Put the pipe down honey.

  (253): View more from Washington

  Hi trees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): The pine trees are waving at me. (907): Put the pipe down honey. (253): Hi trees. http://tfl.nu/6b23
  Replies (16) Good night (7569) Bad night (1246)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  this is a time for prayers...seriously

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): this is a time for prayers...seriously (1-973): let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen. http://tfl.nu/ovsa
  Replies (22) Good night (4645) Bad night (1037)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized. http://tfl.nu/0yaa
  Replies (12) Good night (3302) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job. http://tfl.nu/97jt
  Replies (18) Good night (7528) Bad night (1452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): i did the responsible thing and pissed myself... http://tfl.nu/5qb4
  Replies (6) Good night (885) Bad night (2691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face. http://tfl.nu/c54m
  Replies (5) Good night (2610) Bad night (3855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach http://tfl.nu/gl5r
  Replies (3) Good night (4067) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon. http://tfl.nu/t979
  Replies (40) Good night (7981) Bad night (2074)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person. http://tfl.nu/l0db
  Replies (10) Good night (887) Bad night (3327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often. http://tfl.nu/3lpk
  Replies (40) Good night (5461) Bad night (1511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things. http://tfl.nu/13io
  Replies (35) Good night (7831) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (57) Good night (13960) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Because ur a stupid bitch

  (1-845): View more from New York

  Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Because ur a stupid bitch (1-845): Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch. http://tfl.nu/0sjk
  Replies (54) Good night (10783) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  I'll google it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time (1-908): I'll google it http://tfl.nu/bsan
  Replies (22) Good night (4712) Bad night (1404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (252) Good night (3177) Bad night (75880)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  God gave us a 4 year grace period.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college? (1-314): God gave us a 4 year grace period. http://tfl.nu/2ues
  Replies (29) Good night (3647) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window http://tfl.nu/m081
  Replies (12) Good night (691) Bad night (2581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls? http://tfl.nu/h3go
  Replies (11) Good night (3868) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately. http://tfl.nu/h16j
  Replies (11) Good night (5352) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules. http://tfl.nu/ttz2
  Replies (26) Good night (7554) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (49) Good night (14384) Bad night (3321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  thats actually pretty good logic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars" (412): thats actually pretty good logic http://tfl.nu/znkn
  Replies (13) Good night (5743) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck http://tfl.nu/mnqh
  Replies (48) Good night (965) Bad night (6890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Why is your vibrator in the fridge?

  (1-760): View more from California

  I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Why is your vibrator in the fridge? (1-760): I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there. http://tfl.nu/7etk
  Replies (40) Good night (6499) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way. http://tfl.nu/qonl
  Replies (34) Good night (5614) Bad night (1878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where's it at?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  In your pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now. (1-706): Where's it at? (706): In your pants. http://tfl.nu/w8ar
  Replies (19) Good night (6992) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina. (614): Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money http://tfl.nu/rx4e
  Replies (27) Good night (6418) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever. http://tfl.nu/2hpf
  Replies (37) Good night (12203) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife? http://tfl.nu/rjpj
  Replies (34) Good night (1765) Bad night (7965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  we've started having sober sex

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you really do like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): we've started having sober sex (203): you really do like him http://tfl.nu/ocmd
  Replies (19) Good night (8253) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously. http://tfl.nu/nqmc
  Replies (41) Good night (769) Bad night (5935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood http://tfl.nu/vxnk
  Replies (22) Good night (4900) Bad night (1245)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left. http://tfl.nu/7tek
  Replies (22) Good night (1386) Bad night (9924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that would be two times in a week with two different guys.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): that would be two times in a week with two different guys. (913): they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right? http://tfl.nu/b8ql
  Replies (21) Good night (3852) Bad night (872)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t
  Replies (28) Good night (8649) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  And you didn't burst into flames?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church. (1-203): And you didn't burst into flames? http://tfl.nu/aa0l
  Replies (14) Good night (4931) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do. http://tfl.nu/0i65
  Replies (13) Good night (6229) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart. http://tfl.nu/liah
  Replies (22) Good night (6647) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeeah thank god

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant... (1-816): Yeeah thank god (816): Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million. http://tfl.nu/pevw
  Replies (54) Good night (1682) Bad night (14810)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did he notice?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself. (215): did he notice? (267): of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up.. http://tfl.nu/7kng
  Replies (82) Good night (1366) Bad night (9533)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill http://tfl.nu/6vp9
  Replies (145) Good night (3176) Bad night (11799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top? http://tfl.nu/gcls
  Replies (47) Good night (1094) Bad night (6534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops http://tfl.nu/nwlp
  Replies (28) Good night (6529) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.

  (1-785): View more from Kansas

  But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him. (1-785): But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed. http://tfl.nu/9pjf
  Replies (26) Good night (8282) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now... (708): I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come.... http://tfl.nu/k2gw
  Replies (20) Good night (4684) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/1e3m
  Replies (27) Good night (6049) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

  (713): View more from Texas

  Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept?? (713): Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger. http://tfl.nu/oww9
  Replies (44) Good night (4492) Bad night (8797)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (60) Good night (17721) Bad night (1393)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  We shouldn"t be alone together

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  you didn"t say that yesterday

  (813): View more from Florida

  you weren't married yesterday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): We shouldn"t be alone together (606): you didn"t say that yesterday (813): you weren't married yesterday http://tfl.nu/oykj
  Replies (39) Good night (1479) Bad night (8523)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up http://tfl.nu/1mju
  Replies (19) Good night (8500) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships? http://tfl.nu/h1g6
  Replies (148) Good night (1242) Bad night (5567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved http://tfl.nu/wek7
  Replies (11) Good night (4941) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers. http://tfl.nu/lnvf
  Replies (22) Good night (5489) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom. http://tfl.nu/yu7b
  Replies (23) Good night (6573) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place http://tfl.nu/6i8c
  Replies (16) Good night (5560) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat. (1-303): ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent. http://tfl.nu/2smi
  Replies (17) Good night (11772) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate. http://tfl.nu/z0ff
  Replies (10) Good night (8381) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head. http://tfl.nu/3prw
  Replies (45) Good night (9992) Bad night (3888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/xo78
  Replies (39) Good night (11790) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while. http://tfl.nu/y23x
  Replies (21) Good night (7021) Bad night (1456)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me. http://tfl.nu/og6e
  Replies (11) Good night (1048) Bad night (3654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit. http://tfl.nu/rw2b
  Replies (41) Good night (3527) Bad night (4090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even. http://tfl.nu/24fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5438) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried http://tfl.nu/b5zu
  Replies (7) Good night (6330) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER! http://tfl.nu/jion
  Replies (30) Good night (4666) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward. http://tfl.nu/aqj7
  Replies (15) Good night (7324) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer? (902): the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka. http://tfl.nu/rxlv
  Replies (16) Good night (9791) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.

  (1-716): View more from New York

  momma always taught us never to change for a boy..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack. (1-716): momma always taught us never to change for a boy.. http://tfl.nu/3cjy
  Replies (17) Good night (6005) Bad night (879)