Texts From Last Night · StevieB07's Favorites

StevieB07's Favorites Texts:

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor

(1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

I like how you're utilizing your resources

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(519): View more from Ontario

Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party

(226): View more from Ontario

But the music was sooo good

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(740): View more from Ohio

Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.

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(661): View more from California

He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(845): View more from New York

How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother

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(416): View more from Toronto

He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw

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(805): View more from California

Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.

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(989): View more from Michigan

Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?

(615): View more from Tennessee

Where's your car?

(989): View more from Michigan

The girl I brought home apparently stole it

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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Read it at the TFLN blog
(703): View more from Virginia

All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French

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(860): View more from Connecticut

He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Sooooo, no second date?

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(949): View more from California

I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library

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(303): View more from Colorado

Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.

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(207): View more from Maine

Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?

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(254): View more from Texas

It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....

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(517): View more from Michigan

I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."

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(360): View more from Washington

My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.

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(916): View more from California

I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options

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(571): View more from Virginia

I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.

(703): View more from Virginia

Which is way cooler

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(416): View more from Toronto

You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard

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(253): View more from Washington

she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.

(206): View more from Washington

so that's what that room is for...

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again

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(623): View more from Arizona

My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.

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(281): View more from Texas

When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt

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(805): View more from California

I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka

(714): View more from California

I could

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(512): View more from Texas

I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though

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(530): View more from California

When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.

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(937): View more from Ohio

She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"

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(206): View more from Washington

Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.

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(206): View more from Washington

just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them

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(315): View more from New York

i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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(915): View more from Texas

I told you I was good to drive

(1-915): View more from Texas

dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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(757): View more from Virginia

At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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(541): View more from Oregon

my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

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(214): View more from Texas

Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

How was it?

(847): View more from Illinois

Fantastic, but that's not the point.

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(510): View more from California

he said he didn't have a condom.

(415): View more from California

and you said?

(510): View more from California

that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

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(519): View more from Ontario

and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick

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(619): View more from California

Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?

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(714): View more from California

Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me

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(845): View more from New York

The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.

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(231): View more from Michigan

Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...

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(301): View more from Maryland

Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.

(1-504): View more from Louisiana

Oh shit. This is getting real.

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(229): View more from Georgia

You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name

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(818): View more from California

Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?

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(678): View more from Georgia

Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them

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(410): View more from Maryland

those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy

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(765): View more from Indiana

He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.

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(240): View more from Maryland

The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!

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(402): View more from Nebraska

dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo

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(410): View more from Maryland

I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.

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(509): View more from Washington

I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'

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(858): View more from California

PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.

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(530): View more from California

I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.

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(281): View more from Texas

I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.

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(917): View more from New York City

I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning

(1-917): View more from New York City

I love you more by the minute

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(847): View more from Illinois

That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...

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(647): View more from Ontario

I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.

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(817): View more from Texas

I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"

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(310): View more from California

At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?

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(307): View more from Wyoming

We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.

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(703): View more from Virginia

A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?

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(513): View more from Ohio

I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.

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(678): View more from Georgia

His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".

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(248): View more from Michigan

David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.

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(425): View more from Washington

Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.

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(619): View more from California

I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?

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(901): View more from Tennessee

This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.

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(703): View more from Virginia

We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team

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(772): View more from Florida

Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

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(406): View more from Montana

I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!

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(615): View more from Tennessee

The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character

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(509): View more from Washington

Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...

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(612): View more from Minnesota

He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.

(1-651): View more from Minnesota

It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.

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(937): View more from Ohio

pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me

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(785): View more from Kansas

We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.

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(904): View more from Florida

The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.

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(515): View more from Iowa

It's blow job season.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.

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(620): View more from Kansas

We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.

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(703): View more from Virginia

The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.

(1-715): View more from Wisconsin

PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.

(1-715): View more from Wisconsin

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.

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(334): View more from Alabama

Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?

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(860): View more from Connecticut

people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids

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(630): View more from Illinois

He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.

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(425): View more from Washington

i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me

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(303): View more from Colorado

Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!

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(907): View more from Alaska

It's a journey

(1-907): View more from Alaska

And the destination is his penis?

(907): View more from Alaska

Precisely.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"

(763): View more from Minnesota

and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.

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(206): View more from Washington

I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.

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(315): View more from New York

He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home

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(623): View more from Arizona

We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.

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(616): View more from Michigan

he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence

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(620): View more from Kansas

Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him

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(703): View more from Virginia

But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again

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(313): View more from Michigan

we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles

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(231): View more from Michigan

I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do

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(954): View more from Florida

I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too

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(901): View more from Tennessee

oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.

(1-413): View more from Massachusetts

A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.

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