Texts From Last Night

Fucksovietrussia's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  2.5

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement? (1-740): 2.5 http://tfl.nu/yjjp
  Replies (7) Good night (4109) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  i miss you so much

  (858): View more from California

  i miss you too

  (858): View more from California

  oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): i miss you so much (858): i miss you too (858): oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me http://tfl.nu/932e
  Replies (16) Good night (2191) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD. http://tfl.nu/21ls
  Replies (30) Good night (11363) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Heaven soaked bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like. (615): Heaven soaked bacon. http://tfl.nu/85uv
  Replies (63) Good night (3820) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head? http://tfl.nu/senf
  Replies (31) Good night (7271) Bad night (356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (62) Good night (26327) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am. http://tfl.nu/33o2
  Replies (59) Good night (29270) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (30348) Bad night (2540)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich.... http://tfl.nu/i7fe
  Replies (99) Good night (36539) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars (910): IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT http://tfl.nu/70k5
  Replies (81) Good night (37922) Bad night (1643)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone. http://tfl.nu/1pr2
  Replies (9) Good night (3876) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format? http://tfl.nu/bwcb
  Replies (26) Good night (10496) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  What?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH. (610): What? (484): A TROUGH FOR VOMIT. http://tfl.nu/8z8s
  Replies (17) Good night (3363) Bad night (2767)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Have you learned any life lessons?

  (406): View more from Montana

  I like big butts and I cannot lie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Have you learned any life lessons? (406): I like big butts and I cannot lie. http://tfl.nu/s51u
  Replies (11) Good night (2396) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school http://tfl.nu/ysoe
  Replies (59) Good night (9747) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs. http://tfl.nu/c051
  Replies (100) Good night (2908) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy." http://tfl.nu/a1we
  Replies (91) Good night (20541) Bad night (2704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year. http://tfl.nu/dota
  Replies (4) Good night (2682) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  It's Friday. Sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): It's Friday. Sex? http://tfl.nu/22he
  Replies (19) Good night (4219) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep. http://tfl.nu/k8wl
  Replies (17) Good night (6344) Bad night (1825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just got to costco. Where are you?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Liquor aisle, bring another cart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just got to costco. Where are you? (602): Liquor aisle, bring another cart. http://tfl.nu/c1j1
  Replies (31) Good night (14639) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body http://tfl.nu/esoz
  Replies (17) Good night (3111) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often http://tfl.nu/iv13
  Replies (24) Good night (4079) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling. http://tfl.nu/ym3n
  Replies (66) Good night (26202) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (81) Good night (31239) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (40) Good night (34678) Bad night (1078)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (137) Good night (36715) Bad night (1047)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (76) Good night (41789) Bad night (1327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I just made Jack Daniels snow cones. http://tfl.nu/ca8x
  Replies (22) Good night (7660) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
  Replies (21) Good night (13992) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed. http://tfl.nu/zn3p
  Replies (22) Good night (4880) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4
  Replies (82) Good night (28674) Bad night (1854)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  ...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): ...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks http://tfl.nu/unmu
  Replies (19) Good night (3110) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up. http://tfl.nu/su5y
  Replies (20) Good night (3526) Bad night (268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Banned from zoo.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Banned from zoo. (301): Again? http://tfl.nu/bv0w
  Replies (44) Good night (16355) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College." http://tfl.nu/3hlg
  Replies (11) Good night (7784) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job. http://tfl.nu/800g
  Replies (25) Good night (4651) Bad night (3302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it. http://tfl.nu/91c2
  Replies (23) Good night (6872) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  handjob tips. give me some.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): handjob tips. give me some. http://tfl.nu/678j
  Replies (76) Good night (3771) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently http://tfl.nu/9vg5
  Replies (23) Good night (2318) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg http://tfl.nu/cjr9
  Replies (65) Good night (17599) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I love sluts.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I end my prayers with that every single night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I love sluts. (402): I end my prayers with that every single night. http://tfl.nu/8il0
  Replies (8) Good night (3502) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Text. Mid BJ. 8 points. http://tfl.nu/1rgb
  Replies (42) Good night (1856) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  RUDE.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  outsmarted mickey deeeees

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions. (1-248): RUDE. (248): I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o. (1-248): outsmarted mickey deeeees http://tfl.nu/mqmo
  Replies (11) Good night (2372) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Why are you ignoring all of my texts?

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  The power was out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Why are you ignoring all of my texts? (1-765): The power was out. http://tfl.nu/9x7x
  Replies (17) Good night (911) Bad night (3875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three. http://tfl.nu/q18f
  Replies (36) Good night (6171) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  lets call myth busters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot (1-305): lets call myth busters http://tfl.nu/n34m
  Replies (22) Good night (5937) Bad night (1143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Dude. Creed is coming in september.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  We're no longer friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Dude. Creed is coming in september. (1-817): We're no longer friends. http://tfl.nu/0z8r
  Replies (43) Good night (1045) Bad night (3913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it" http://tfl.nu/fy2z
  Replies (40) Good night (12991) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.

  (631): View more from New York

  Samesies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I can only be a whore so many days outta the week. (631): Samesies http://tfl.nu/jurs
  Replies (23) Good night (4607) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/h8rn
  Replies (49) Good night (889) Bad night (5234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted. http://tfl.nu/laiq
  Replies (34) Good night (6290) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this http://tfl.nu/fwmk
  Replies (29) Good night (16244) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet. http://tfl.nu/swmp
  Replies (18) Good night (9475) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again. http://tfl.nu/0grs
  Replies (30) Good night (6090) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us http://tfl.nu/1uhw
  Replies (29) Good night (5850) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i dont know what to do

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  with your life?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i dont know what to do (1-732): with your life? (732): no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3 http://tfl.nu/i8yp
  Replies (17) Good night (4687) Bad night (1921)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies. http://tfl.nu/6rhb
  Replies (35) Good night (7364) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic." http://tfl.nu/uvkh
  Replies (60) Good night (4887) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Umm you met him three days ago....

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said what I said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for (215): Umm you met him three days ago.... (267): I said what I said http://tfl.nu/18h0
  Replies (30) Good night (7049) Bad night (1180)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit http://tfl.nu/ux8z
  Replies (18) Good night (3646) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love http://tfl.nu/knwu
  Replies (35) Good night (11777) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God. http://tfl.nu/yxgi
  Replies (34) Good night (788) Bad night (2289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment. http://tfl.nu/wmih
  Replies (15) Good night (2697) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions. http://tfl.nu/kw3s
  Replies (15) Good night (7361) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him http://tfl.nu/gsvg
  Replies (7) Good night (5678) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant. http://tfl.nu/aq1y
  Replies (25) Good night (10725) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving. http://tfl.nu/1pg2
  Replies (16) Good night (5354) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing. http://tfl.nu/dzgt
  Replies (48) Good night (12104) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
  Replies (178) Good night (82618) Bad night (2359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Walk of Shame time yet?

  (1+44): View more from

  Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Walk of Shame time yet? (1+44): Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling? http://tfl.nu/qcn9
  Replies (44) Good night (17422) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out http://tfl.nu/zgao
  Replies (21) Good night (1346) Bad night (3243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask http://tfl.nu/pl36
  Replies (31) Good night (9348) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven. http://tfl.nu/xlkq
  Replies (9) Good night (5984) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  get to allyx's house asap

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Ok is everything ok

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Yeah, theres just lesbians

  (312): View more from Illinois

  omg yes on my way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): get to allyx's house asap (312): Ok is everything ok (224): Yeah, theres just lesbians (312): omg yes on my way http://tfl.nu/mxwb
  Replies (38) Good night (6478) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat. http://tfl.nu/qpwr
  Replies (15) Good night (4091) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get http://tfl.nu/sb3f
  Replies (18) Good night (992) Bad night (3717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea http://tfl.nu/kd80
  Replies (27) Good night (5551) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's. http://tfl.nu/ot6m
  Replies (137) Good night (6480) Bad night (5100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): why is there cat hair all over my deoderant? (1-330): she wanted to smell more freshershest than you. http://tfl.nu/rk6z
  Replies (33) Good night (5352) Bad night (1235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass http://tfl.nu/ur9n
  Replies (14) Good night (4557) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight. http://tfl.nu/7vg9
  Replies (14) Good night (5050) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo

  (619): View more from California

  Cremation, why do you ask?

  (760): View more from California

  I think we have a bit of a problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo (619): Cremation, why do you ask? (760): I think we have a bit of a problem http://tfl.nu/6d26
  Replies (15) Good night (643) Bad night (1222)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/f26o
  Replies (42) Good night (11304) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning http://tfl.nu/nizm
  Replies (18) Good night (4870) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

  (917): View more from New York City

  Those had pot in them

  (917): View more from New York City

  And good luck on your interview asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g
  Replies (49) Good night (16374) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  The police scanner is talking about you again....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): The police scanner is talking about you again.... http://tfl.nu/f6sk
  Replies (16) Good night (8115) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces. http://tfl.nu/d897
  Replies (12) Good night (4290) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency" http://tfl.nu/zhku
  Replies (9) Good night (3745) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit. http://tfl.nu/s2aa
  Replies (33) Good night (10070) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (41811) Bad night (1185)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (430) Good night (52007) Bad night (5853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (183) Good night (53872) Bad night (4170)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets http://tfl.nu/eja8
  Replies (33) Good night (7087) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  You're 20.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  IT'S BUILD A BEAR!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear. (810): You're 20. (734): IT'S BUILD A BEAR! http://tfl.nu/k2jt
  Replies (148) Good night (10874) Bad night (1811)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox (1-248): You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities. http://tfl.nu/l19y
  Replies (85) Good night (2476) Bad night (8705)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere. http://tfl.nu/ay2u
  Replies (11) Good night (4863) Bad night (282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies? http://tfl.nu/c806
  Replies (6) Good night (2767) Bad night (255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69093) Bad night (1972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (196) Good night (76660) Bad night (3798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (178) Good night (89795) Bad night (3904)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (468) Good night (165053) Bad night (6009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (151) Good night (62603) Bad night (2939)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  This is god's gift to the unemployed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING. (336): This is god's gift to the unemployed. http://tfl.nu/uhcy
  Replies (47) Good night (4089) Bad night (668)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home. http://tfl.nu/ffng
  Replies (34) Good night (5716) Bad night (2758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist. http://tfl.nu/t4io
  Replies (26) Good night (8521) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt