Texts From Last Night

kgsutter's Favorites Texts:

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them

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  (443): they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them http://tfl.nu/300a
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date

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  (812): obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date http://tfl.nu/sjjn
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.

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  (734): i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up. http://tfl.nu/9mj6
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking

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  (603): i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking http://tfl.nu/kntc
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.

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  (401): just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October. http://tfl.nu/w9iv
  Replies (4) Good night (2649) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.

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  (425): I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame. http://tfl.nu/kw0h
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.

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  (832): Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is. http://tfl.nu/odjy
  Replies (9) Good night (3924) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.

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  (617): And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today. http://tfl.nu/vsrl
  Replies (7) Good night (3953) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.

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  (646): The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song. http://tfl.nu/nwvh
  Replies (87) Good night (4023) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.

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  (224): Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like. http://tfl.nu/j59v
  Replies (26) Good night (6653) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.

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  (818): my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank. http://tfl.nu/peny
  Replies (51) Good night (2756) Bad night (12280) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.

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  (+44): You are the patron saint of my drinking problem. http://tfl.nu/rquk
  Replies (10) Good night (4113) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.

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  (412): remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories. http://tfl.nu/emk4
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.

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  (734): I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather. http://tfl.nu/4j7n
  Replies (5) Good night (4279) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.

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  (614): This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old. http://tfl.nu/nedp
  Replies (105) Good night (1825) Bad night (5572) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm half single.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Please tell me it's the bottom half.

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  (617): I'm half single. (773): Please tell me it's the bottom half. http://tfl.nu/3fsx
  Replies (3) Good night (2202) Bad night (423)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  And that worked?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.

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  (919): So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night. (1-919): And that worked? (919): 9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards. http://tfl.nu/moso
  Replies (70) Good night (13310) Bad night (1354)
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  (716): View more from New York

  as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.

  (1-716): View more from New York

  momma always taught us never to change for a boy..

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  (716): as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack. (1-716): momma always taught us never to change for a boy.. http://tfl.nu/3cjy
  Replies (17) Good night (6252) Bad night (1075)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.

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  (847): You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive. http://tfl.nu/z8kz
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.

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  (623): were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds. http://tfl.nu/6mgz
  Replies (41) Good night (4072) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?

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  (731): We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country? http://tfl.nu/p4z6
  Replies (37) Good night (4547) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.

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  (856): Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks. http://tfl.nu/z00s
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.

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  (757): I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis. http://tfl.nu/mahz
  Replies (33) Good night (742) Bad night (5650) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?

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  (614): over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read? http://tfl.nu/2tdc
  Replies (13) Good night (2635) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!

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  (631): Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade! http://tfl.nu/mpw5
  Replies (30) Good night (639) Bad night (3590) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  So i had sex for a couple seconds last night

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  (419): So i had sex for a couple seconds last night http://tfl.nu/eni0
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"

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  (314): I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina" http://tfl.nu/4mpo
  Replies (14) Good night (3825) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.

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  (847): Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday? (708): We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us. http://tfl.nu/9z48
  Replies (47) Good night (13803) Bad night (891)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.

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  (630): i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do. http://tfl.nu/s093
  Replies (30) Good night (4022) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.

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  (318): Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume. http://tfl.nu/rs73
  Replies (31) Good night (4518) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life

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  (571): I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life http://tfl.nu/ta8c
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  (941): View more from Florida

  i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head

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  (941): i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head http://tfl.nu/fs2w
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...

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  (204): When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends? (1-204): When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why? (204): I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well... http://tfl.nu/o1jd
  Replies (21) Good night (7529) Bad night (693)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple

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  (630): we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple http://tfl.nu/8ojo
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.

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  (402): Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for. http://tfl.nu/14r7
  Replies (8) Good night (747) Bad night (3530) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.

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  (609): So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that. http://tfl.nu/rpbd
  Replies (33) Good night (5538) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.

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  (714): dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/j38h
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

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  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
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  (561): View more from Florida

  my being single is dangerous.

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  (561): my being single is dangerous. http://tfl.nu/5ief
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  (518): View more from New York

  no really all good couples have similar hair colors!

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  (518): no really all good couples have similar hair colors! http://tfl.nu/r50f
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere

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  (250): Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere http://tfl.nu/ftm6
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head

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  (630): i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head http://tfl.nu/n75x
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking

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  (239): I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking http://tfl.nu/yxe4
  Replies (61) Good night (5672) Bad night (712)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...

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  (703): something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas... http://tfl.nu/emnc
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow

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  (770): i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow http://tfl.nu/owei
  Replies (102) Good night (5175) Bad night (1146) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.

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  (612): Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place. http://tfl.nu/cfbh
  Replies (19) Good night (938) Bad night (4695) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.

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  (215): winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am. http://tfl.nu/p45r
  Replies (26) Good night (4543) Bad night (2162) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.

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  (715): he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut. http://tfl.nu/y3au
  Replies (13) Good night (4516) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.

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  (515): I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans. http://tfl.nu/jn9s
  Replies (128) Good night (474) Bad night (3828) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.

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  (206): Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story. http://tfl.nu/dytn
  Replies (25) Good night (922) Bad night (3477) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk

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  (307): Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk http://tfl.nu/09b7
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  6 min

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  (215): what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers (1-215): 6 min http://tfl.nu/dx1s
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.

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  (412): I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/4998
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  bitches.

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  (614): can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!? (740): bitches. http://tfl.nu/evq4
  Replies (58) Good night (8672) Bad night (797)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.

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  (401): Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified. http://tfl.nu/2va0
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.

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  (615): I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower. http://tfl.nu/v1s4
  Replies (33) Good night (5307) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

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  (617): shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick http://tfl.nu/i68n
  Replies (73) Good night (18460) Bad night (3573) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.

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  (817): maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me. http://tfl.nu/m7oc
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed

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  (336): If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed http://tfl.nu/a070
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.

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  (678): I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice. http://tfl.nu/ukpc
  Replies (17) Good night (1225) Bad night (4578) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.

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  (623): everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls. http://tfl.nu/6oxa
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  (914): View more from New York

  he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3

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  (914): he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3 http://tfl.nu/cutl
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.

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  (215): distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard. http://tfl.nu/840x
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.

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  (937): I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/5qlb
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."

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  (508): They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever." http://tfl.nu/4fcm
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.

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  (303): I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history. http://tfl.nu/d9a3
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?

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  (919): I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...? http://tfl.nu/n1uy
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  (909): View more from California

  Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.

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  (909): Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle. http://tfl.nu/fgdn
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  (510): View more from California

  Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex

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  (510): Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex http://tfl.nu/01m8
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot

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  (417): Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot http://tfl.nu/f7xk
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved

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  (613): you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved http://tfl.nu/t5ge
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.

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  (813): I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type. (1-813): Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type. http://tfl.nu/055q
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  (585): View more from New York

  im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed

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  (585): im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed http://tfl.nu/eq1c
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.

  (1-647): View more from Ontario

  Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?

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  (647): 47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over. (1-647): Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead? http://tfl.nu/n8gs
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  (415): View more from California

  I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota

  (415): View more from California

  everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy

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  (415): I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota (415): everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy http://tfl.nu/10ak
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy

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  (352): I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy http://tfl.nu/uxjr
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.

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  (865): If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport. http://tfl.nu/vfi8
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  (650): View more from California

  just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.

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  (650): just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight. http://tfl.nu/nhc3
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits

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  (443): She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits http://tfl.nu/tlq9
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.

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  (812): i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys. http://tfl.nu/wntn
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  (559): View more from California

  We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.

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  (559): We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley. http://tfl.nu/4bq4
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.

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  (847): Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself. http://tfl.nu/r7wv
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood

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  (336): the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood http://tfl.nu/dx4f
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.

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  (210): I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy. http://tfl.nu/fwj0
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

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  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like abortions should bother me more

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  (724): I feel like abortions should bother me more http://tfl.nu/zn32
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.

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  (336): Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her. http://tfl.nu/icjy
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?

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  (617): why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency? http://tfl.nu/lb38
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  (518): View more from New York

  OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....

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  (518): OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX..... http://tfl.nu/r3kn
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened

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  (978): i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened http://tfl.nu/l318
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.

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  (601): Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away. http://tfl.nu/uxou
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  (914): View more from New York

  i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick

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  (914): i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick http://tfl.nu/et20
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  (510): View more from California

  The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.

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  (510): The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker. http://tfl.nu/49dy
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  People in love make me want to vomit

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  (609): People in love make me want to vomit http://tfl.nu/3x4v
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"

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  (860): You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW" http://tfl.nu/b6ij
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women

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  (678): nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women http://tfl.nu/ny5s
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.

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  (940): Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented. http://tfl.nu/jb6b
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.

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  (651): how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts. http://tfl.nu/ixjv
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