Texts From Last Night

percie's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one. http://tfl.nu/jh8z
  Replies (4) Good night (1358) Bad night (176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys http://tfl.nu/n2sm
  Replies (7) Good night (662) Bad night (145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us http://tfl.nu/f6nz
  Replies (3) Good night (848) Bad night (146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse http://tfl.nu/8kf4
  Replies (2) Good night (262) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though. http://tfl.nu/tou6
  Replies (10) Good night (1572) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long. http://tfl.nu/h6mm
  Replies (16) Good night (1051) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  You're the salmon of the gays...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual (1-574): You're the salmon of the gays... http://tfl.nu/2l6t
  Replies (2) Good night (762) Bad night (244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge. http://tfl.nu/2ycl
  Replies (22) Good night (1349) Bad night (506)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse. http://tfl.nu/53yl
  Replies (13) Good night (1003) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds. http://tfl.nu/9ird
  Replies (6) Good night (797) Bad night (253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch. http://tfl.nu/o7me
  Replies (19) Good night (6798) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me http://tfl.nu/nn6b
  Replies (28) Good night (11531) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus. http://tfl.nu/s77k
  Replies (4) Good night (935) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night http://tfl.nu/338b
  Replies (9) Good night (1343) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud http://tfl.nu/kyzh
  Replies (3) Good night (1229) Bad night (246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane. http://tfl.nu/ph9r
  Replies (11) Good night (3416) Bad night (343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned. http://tfl.nu/lcb4
  Replies (4) Good night (1130) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I have a surprise for you guys

  (937): View more from Ohio

  What is it?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I have a surprise for you guys (937): What is it? (740): A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS http://tfl.nu/bt31
  Replies (20) Good night (3715) Bad night (333)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots http://tfl.nu/46f2
  Replies (17) Good night (1881) Bad night (343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market http://tfl.nu/r2s5
  Replies (3) Good night (702) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it. http://tfl.nu/8sjw
  Replies (7) Good night (1228) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  What does puking wasabi feel like?

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  Like snorting cocaine backwards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): What does puking wasabi feel like? (1-602): Like snorting cocaine backwards. http://tfl.nu/l21m
  Replies (4) Good night (414) Bad night (1266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high. http://tfl.nu/waf9
  Replies (4) Good night (1491) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you. http://tfl.nu/ievp
  Replies (8) Good night (1813) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus http://tfl.nu/j1dg
  Replies (6) Good night (2160) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it. http://tfl.nu/i1s8
  Replies (8) Good night (1410) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear? http://tfl.nu/z5ck
  Replies (4) Good night (897) Bad night (294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor. http://tfl.nu/2e0y
  Replies (6) Good night (1274) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy http://tfl.nu/pdy7
  Replies (8) Good night (1781) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out http://tfl.nu/6wgt
  Replies (4) Good night (1457) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab. (617): What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family! http://tfl.nu/wlta
  Replies (16) Good night (3686) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams http://tfl.nu/mq8g
  Replies (8) Good night (768) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan. http://tfl.nu/t4hh
  Replies (4) Good night (1924) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring. http://tfl.nu/ghx4
  Replies (10) Good night (1397) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there http://tfl.nu/j1ap
  Replies (6) Good night (1917) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever http://tfl.nu/g4y3
  Replies (11) Good night (3431) Bad night (1108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation. http://tfl.nu/z4sr
  Replies (15) Good night (7179) Bad night (819)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit. http://tfl.nu/s9z4
  Replies (5) Good night (1138) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on. http://tfl.nu/o94m
  Replies (15) Good night (4466) Bad night (1192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u. http://tfl.nu/h95p
  Replies (22) Good night (1323) Bad night (3718)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever. http://tfl.nu/1b0y
  Replies (57) Good night (1170) Bad night (7240)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate. http://tfl.nu/k2b3
  Replies (39) Good night (1562) Bad night (4682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face. http://tfl.nu/bthr
  Replies (42) Good night (3594) Bad night (8913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around http://tfl.nu/awow
  Replies (9) Good night (3478) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas" http://tfl.nu/kk50
  Replies (13) Good night (4005) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny. http://tfl.nu/aua9
  Replies (13) Good night (5133) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!

  (818): View more from California

  A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?

  (805): View more from California

  CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT! (818): A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie? (805): CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT http://tfl.nu/znee
  Replies (21) Good night (5308) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you http://tfl.nu/x2i9
  Replies (30) Good night (5770) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song. http://tfl.nu/0nv8
  Replies (10) Good night (1864) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again. http://tfl.nu/lco3
  Replies (3) Good night (315) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade. http://tfl.nu/3ila
  Replies (3) Good night (1199) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs http://tfl.nu/5n4l
  Replies (15) Good night (416) Bad night (2386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman. http://tfl.nu/vuix
  Replies (11) Good night (1200) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works. http://tfl.nu/ca8d
  Replies (4) Good night (5612) Bad night (1291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon. http://tfl.nu/n681
  Replies (50) Good night (5986) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age. http://tfl.nu/xhom
  Replies (1) Good night (374) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily. http://tfl.nu/de3q
  Replies (3) Good night (1875) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord http://tfl.nu/yjwk
  Replies (6) Good night (1154) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (45) Good night (25443) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me http://tfl.nu/ptyo
  Replies (75) Good night (25632) Bad night (1425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life. http://tfl.nu/paqh
  Replies (71) Good night (25737) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza http://tfl.nu/fivz
  Replies (53) Good night (26156) Bad night (1818)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m
  Replies (55) Good night (26461) Bad night (2253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (118) Good night (26864) Bad night (4286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute. http://tfl.nu/y17n
  Replies (40) Good night (28133) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock. http://tfl.nu/njgo
  Replies (166) Good night (28025) Bad night (2531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3
  Replies (47) Good night (28635) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right http://tfl.nu/htd0
  Replies (31) Good night (28846) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good http://tfl.nu/k903
  Replies (111) Good night (29269) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (56) Good night (30088) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/sxvb
  Replies (80) Good night (30844) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (107) Good night (31470) Bad night (1286)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (31707) Bad night (2853)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (82) Good night (33411) Bad night (1284)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (111) Good night (38403) Bad night (3070)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (97) Good night (40122) Bad night (1529)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168224) Bad night (42146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (491) Good night (133059) Bad night (5761)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth. http://tfl.nu/apt1
  Replies (5) Good night (1167) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt