Texts From Last Night

joebigsexy's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob... http://tfl.nu/tixa
  Replies (34) Good night (5134) Bad night (2015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You guys make me sad

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You misspelled jealous there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone. (540): You guys make me sad (703): You misspelled jealous there http://tfl.nu/wtst
  Replies (23) Good night (11521) Bad night (1215)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night? http://tfl.nu/n9fn
  Replies (35) Good night (1384) Bad night (6570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (20555) Bad night (1834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again http://tfl.nu/xxfj
  Replies (67) Good night (12698) Bad night (2188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?! (781): Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze. http://tfl.nu/sc14
  Replies (18) Good night (896) Bad night (3589)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something http://tfl.nu/ax1a
  Replies (28) Good night (7511) Bad night (1618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk http://tfl.nu/9sjy
  Replies (21) Good night (1465) Bad night (3723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist http://tfl.nu/ubmz
  Replies (12) Good night (1311) Bad night (5235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan http://tfl.nu/827h
  Replies (20) Good night (7748) Bad night (1431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake http://tfl.nu/bl2k
  Replies (42) Good night (8689) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it. http://tfl.nu/6y9b
  Replies (36) Good night (5610) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  At least he's a nutritious stoner...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches. (1-402): At least he's a nutritious stoner... http://tfl.nu/2qp4
  Replies (18) Good night (8104) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i can't find my house

  (1-845): View more from New York

  we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.

  (845): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure my house moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i can't find my house (1-845): we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago. (845): i'm pretty sure my house moved. http://tfl.nu/nzng
  Replies (51) Good night (13510) Bad night (1267)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield. http://tfl.nu/umxp
  Replies (20) Good night (7224) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ..So we should take it off Youtube?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you. (816): ..So we should take it off Youtube? http://tfl.nu/93os
  Replies (28) Good night (10950) Bad night (1547)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.

  (409): View more from Texas

  That was definitely the right answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her. (409): That was definitely the right answer. http://tfl.nu/zisl
  Replies (19) Good night (6624) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature. http://tfl.nu/rbpc
  Replies (47) Good night (6358) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks. http://tfl.nu/gf3t
  Replies (13) Good night (5970) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does. http://tfl.nu/f5ii
  Replies (48) Good night (7747) Bad night (1834)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  We shouldn"t be alone together

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  you didn"t say that yesterday

  (813): View more from Florida

  you weren't married yesterday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): We shouldn"t be alone together (606): you didn"t say that yesterday (813): you weren't married yesterday http://tfl.nu/oykj
  Replies (41) Good night (1680) Bad night (8838)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"? (1-954): Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards. http://tfl.nu/k91c
  Replies (72) Good night (10701) Bad night (1209)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home. http://tfl.nu/c9s9
  Replies (45) Good night (11830) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?! http://tfl.nu/h1we
  Replies (13) Good night (6535) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51671) Bad night (2293)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"? http://tfl.nu/n4zp
  Replies (22) Good night (1221) Bad night (7426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober. http://tfl.nu/rgt7
  Replies (7) Good night (4399) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool? http://tfl.nu/8wpx
  Replies (15) Good night (6574) Bad night (1386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  How are you texting me from 1998?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq
  Replies (27) Good night (8488) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month http://tfl.nu/d8l1
  Replies (25) Good night (5334) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  And you didn't burst into flames?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church. (1-203): And you didn't burst into flames? http://tfl.nu/aa0l
  Replies (14) Good night (5210) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited. http://tfl.nu/8ftm
  Replies (26) Good night (16168) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

  (518): View more from New York

  Doritoesssssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p
  Replies (41) Good night (13074) Bad night (1186)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs http://tfl.nu/dxeo
  Replies (13) Good night (8540) Bad night (1176)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts. http://tfl.nu/2tox
  Replies (11) Good night (6245) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so finals studying is going well?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons. (309): so finals studying is going well? http://tfl.nu/jt5e
  Replies (13) Good night (7180) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test? http://tfl.nu/cwr3
  Replies (7) Good night (4931) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time http://tfl.nu/w7q6
  Replies (13) Good night (7455) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ. http://tfl.nu/s7ef
  Replies (30) Good night (13435) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (101) Good night (33958) Bad night (3590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  How was the bike ride?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): How was the bike ride? (1-734): Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups. http://tfl.nu/2qrl
  Replies (21) Good night (8436) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued. http://tfl.nu/lx8b
  Replies (21) Good night (4785) Bad night (1300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes http://tfl.nu/55qw
  Replies (22) Good night (2143) Bad night (4285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  you'll never guess what i found when i got home...

  (928): View more from Arizona

  a cake, in the toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): you'll never guess what i found when i got home... (928): a cake, in the toilet http://tfl.nu/md4l
  Replies (25) Good night (5560) Bad night (1005)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  That's funny. Are they weird looking???

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart. (1-262): That's funny. Are they weird looking??? (262): OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS. http://tfl.nu/egmz
  Replies (38) Good night (8786) Bad night (1243)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I found those 18 whoppers we bought.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I found those 18 whoppers we bought. http://tfl.nu/flbc
  Replies (27) Good night (6737) Bad night (1493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower. http://tfl.nu/hbb7
  Replies (62) Good night (19413) Bad night (1479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort. http://tfl.nu/ivbh
  Replies (71) Good night (19617) Bad night (1815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on. http://tfl.nu/5fm3
  Replies (30) Good night (10163) Bad night (1486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home. http://tfl.nu/096s
  Replies (33) Good night (12124) Bad night (1224)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..

  (256): View more from Alabama

  everythings easier when your wearing a toga.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga.. (256): everythings easier when your wearing a toga. http://tfl.nu/a4vc
  Replies (22) Good night (7085) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm. http://tfl.nu/xqmo
  Replies (19) Good night (6548) Bad night (1291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank. http://tfl.nu/peny
  Replies (51) Good night (2770) Bad night (12307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  That's what she gets for taking his peeps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway (860): That's what she gets for taking his peeps. http://tfl.nu/3z72
  Replies (12) Good night (913) Bad night (2932)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead http://tfl.nu/yu41
  Replies (17) Good night (5965) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call. http://tfl.nu/9x5y
  Replies (39) Good night (885) Bad night (6139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I am coming home for anal

  (254): View more from Texas

  * a nap*

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I am coming home for anal (254): * a nap* http://tfl.nu/ou5x
  Replies (39) Good night (11823) Bad night (1436)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk. http://tfl.nu/brrf
  Replies (12) Good night (4099) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS

  (210): View more from Texas

  Put my glitter back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS (210): Put my glitter back. http://tfl.nu/4pgc
  Replies (16) Good night (3118) Bad night (506)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself? http://tfl.nu/fcpr
  Replies (19) Good night (908) Bad night (2598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral. http://tfl.nu/20j6
  Replies (7) Good night (589) Bad night (6452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad http://tfl.nu/ofwb
  Replies (40) Good night (5822) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  is wine microwaveable?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): is wine microwaveable? http://tfl.nu/o7ks
  Replies (24) Good night (806) Bad night (5238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message. http://tfl.nu/p8es
  Replies (22) Good night (5411) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3
  Replies (47) Good night (28688) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?

  (206): View more from Washington

  joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine? (206): joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?! http://tfl.nu/ignl
  Replies (13) Good night (1931) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house http://tfl.nu/7hx1
  Replies (2) Good night (881) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place. http://tfl.nu/cfbh
  Replies (19) Good night (946) Bad night (4703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  what was she crying about?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle. (1-734): what was she crying about? (734): i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job. http://tfl.nu/fomm
  Replies (47) Good night (14326) Bad night (1668)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes. http://tfl.nu/ocj3
  Replies (23) Good night (5484) Bad night (3134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  ..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): ..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop http://tfl.nu/2wez
  Replies (21) Good night (6344) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree. http://tfl.nu/wbc5
  Replies (86) Good night (9088) Bad night (4252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson. http://tfl.nu/vrgn
  Replies (19) Good night (4800) Bad night (1910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home. http://tfl.nu/by9e
  Replies (18) Good night (5055) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches. http://tfl.nu/uy09
  Replies (30) Good night (9749) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car http://tfl.nu/9e8r
  Replies (38) Good night (8910) Bad night (1851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (19856) Bad night (1269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok
  Replies (35) Good night (15263) Bad night (1139)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle. http://tfl.nu/il9h
  Replies (33) Good night (7962) Bad night (1296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Operation Purity has been aborted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Operation Purity has been aborted http://tfl.nu/jf4h
  Replies (24) Good night (6385) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Why are you ignoring all of my texts?

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  The power was out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Why are you ignoring all of my texts? (1-765): The power was out. http://tfl.nu/9x7x
  Replies (17) Good night (1109) Bad night (4039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad http://tfl.nu/bnzk
  Replies (75) Good night (11817) Bad night (3351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (25500) Bad night (1358)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks. http://tfl.nu/8eyu
  Replies (46) Good night (19223) Bad night (1416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs
  Replies (21) Good night (10832) Bad night (1066)