Texts From Last Night

bc13bitch's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five. http://tfl.nu/ztzm
  Replies (1) Good night (441) Bad night (204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair. http://tfl.nu/ft15
  Replies (5) Good night (643) Bad night (221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/48jv
  Replies (8) Good night (3315) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs. http://tfl.nu/k4hm
  Replies (11) Good night (709) Bad night (1554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again. http://tfl.nu/rten
  Replies (8) Good night (1216) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it. http://tfl.nu/1im6
  Replies (6) Good night (1098) Bad night (246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us http://tfl.nu/1h6z
  Replies (3) Good night (1843) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory. http://tfl.nu/p9v1
  Replies (11) Good night (1874) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (442): View more from California

  While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (442): While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage. http://tfl.nu/yi73
  Replies (74) Good night (1247) Bad night (5220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade http://tfl.nu/sv7y
  Replies (63) Good night (56993) Bad night (1221)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (131) Good night (60854) Bad night (1894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (235) Good night (64846) Bad night (2524)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73387) Bad night (2471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142159) Bad night (9313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168280) Bad night (42163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  How does this kind of shit happen to you?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow. (1-740): How does this kind of shit happen to you?! http://tfl.nu/nrt5
  Replies (6) Good night (1371) Bad night (159)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit http://tfl.nu/ybl7
  Replies (4) Good night (356) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Tuesday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you... (860): Tuesday http://tfl.nu/gel8
  Replies (4) Good night (1525) Bad night (217)
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater http://tfl.nu/c1nm
  Replies (6) Good night (735) Bad night (269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life. http://tfl.nu/c0aw
  Replies (6) Good night (239) Bad night (1406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself http://tfl.nu/rzza
  Replies (1) Good night (735) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes http://tfl.nu/kawt
  Replies (4) Good night (981) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real. http://tfl.nu/xx9a
  Replies (4) Good night (711) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't. http://tfl.nu/uo1x
  Replies (3) Good night (965) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday http://tfl.nu/hzvp
  Replies (7) Good night (945) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay http://tfl.nu/j10h
  Replies (4) Good night (2241) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!" http://tfl.nu/k8t0
  Replies (4) Good night (1115) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE. http://tfl.nu/9lhc
  Replies (7) Good night (2627) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): whoa! who said he's my boyfriend? (1-306): Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina. http://tfl.nu/k1yy
  Replies (7) Good night (2650) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off. http://tfl.nu/j6re
  Replies (14) Good night (933) Bad night (2936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  She fuckin peed on me

  (817): View more from Texas

  Stay golden ponyboy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): She fuckin peed on me (817): Stay golden ponyboy http://tfl.nu/vooq
  Replies (16) Good night (4657) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight. http://tfl.nu/hr3p
  Replies (0) Good night (796) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body http://tfl.nu/f4bm
  Replies (10) Good night (1434) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house. http://tfl.nu/7lqp
  Replies (6) Good night (974) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush? http://tfl.nu/kyl4
  Replies (3) Good night (678) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast. http://tfl.nu/94l7
  Replies (1) Good night (929) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid http://tfl.nu/ju72
  Replies (5) Good night (403) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  just woke up under a car ? That's odd

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Holy fucking shit

  (845): View more from New York

  WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): just woke up under a car ? That's odd (603): Holy fucking shit (845): WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT http://tfl.nu/jvxr
  Replies (8) Good night (2998) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan http://tfl.nu/xroh
  Replies (11) Good night (1769) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really alive right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath. (1-612): Are you really alive right now? http://tfl.nu/b3cy
  Replies (5) Good night (1472) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color http://tfl.nu/2fci
  Replies (26) Good night (490) Bad night (1947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand. (1-810): nice, that's exactly what jesus would do. http://tfl.nu/jen7
  Replies (19) Good night (4101) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money. http://tfl.nu/foav
  Replies (15) Good night (4721) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night

  (303): View more from Colorado

  lol who won

  (727): View more from Florida

  well im in the hospital right now so u tell me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night (303): lol who won (727): well im in the hospital right now so u tell me http://tfl.nu/pmtb
  Replies (15) Good night (1434) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/ev36
  Replies (9) Good night (1303) Bad night (3386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head??? http://tfl.nu/gwk9
  Replies (30) Good night (4525) Bad night (1399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better. http://tfl.nu/sd76
  Replies (11) Good night (4711) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab. http://tfl.nu/3osp
  Replies (7) Good night (3816) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters. http://tfl.nu/nfga
  Replies (14) Good night (5975) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming. http://tfl.nu/nho3
  Replies (12) Good night (6781) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless. http://tfl.nu/rrlk
  Replies (6) Good night (3806) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college. http://tfl.nu/okdu
  Replies (6) Good night (3903) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians. http://tfl.nu/8vkd
  Replies (18) Good night (4651) Bad night (1477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part. http://tfl.nu/8pmc
  Replies (11) Good night (1052) Bad night (3252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple." http://tfl.nu/0gie
  Replies (4) Good night (5141) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party? http://tfl.nu/4j0b
  Replies (7) Good night (4165) Bad night (1170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american http://tfl.nu/02ni
  Replies (193) Good night (2909) Bad night (15379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate http://tfl.nu/io2z
  Replies (20) Good night (1169) Bad night (3280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood http://tfl.nu/vfy0
  Replies (12) Good night (8977) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this? http://tfl.nu/woh0
  Replies (9) Good night (5207) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning. http://tfl.nu/8wyf
  Replies (15) Good night (6599) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date... http://tfl.nu/r091
  Replies (10) Good night (1115) Bad night (3635)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going. http://tfl.nu/db5s
  Replies (20) Good night (4564) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement? http://tfl.nu/kphp
  Replies (6) Good night (5137) Bad night (1117)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away. http://tfl.nu/tzcp
  Replies (13) Good night (806) Bad night (4346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials." http://tfl.nu/vm6j
  Replies (20) Good night (8700) Bad night (1425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music. http://tfl.nu/9pnm
  Replies (31) Good night (7660) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love. http://tfl.nu/0ws2
  Replies (22) Good night (1140) Bad night (5609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  It's chlamydia! Thank God!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): It's chlamydia! Thank God! http://tfl.nu/1hqj
  Replies (25) Good night (1443) Bad night (8228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with http://tfl.nu/po8c
  Replies (24) Good night (6915) Bad night (1942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.

  (949): View more from California

  she's my drunk super hero.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds. (949): she's my drunk super hero. http://tfl.nu/ngha
  Replies (17) Good night (5537) Bad night (1099)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding http://tfl.nu/jewl
  Replies (8) Good night (3585) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together http://tfl.nu/y1xi
  Replies (16) Good night (3251) Bad night (1605) Order T-Shirt