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Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
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