Texts From Last Night

ke1375's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears. http://tfl.nu/acnv
  Replies (41) Good night (12528) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away http://tfl.nu/h2fc
  Replies (11) Good night (5158) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things. http://tfl.nu/13io
  Replies (35) Good night (8098) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone. http://tfl.nu/hjip
  Replies (21) Good night (8255) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed. http://tfl.nu/qpmm
  Replies (101) Good night (30529) Bad night (4723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis! http://tfl.nu/tuy6
  Replies (119) Good night (1653) Bad night (9583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  lets call myth busters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot (1-305): lets call myth busters http://tfl.nu/n34m
  Replies (23) Good night (6196) Bad night (1311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
  Replies (39) Good night (16109) Bad night (1234)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye. http://tfl.nu/ovu6
  Replies (28) Good night (4142) Bad night (2542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  that's what penises do

  (254): View more from Texas

  they tell lies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): that's what penises do (254): they tell lies. http://tfl.nu/si8y
  Replies (14) Good night (4540) Bad night (1182)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate. http://tfl.nu/tob7
  Replies (18) Good night (5286) Bad night (1783)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he thanks me after handjobs.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  you found the perfect man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he thanks me after handjobs. (1-203): you found the perfect man. http://tfl.nu/eh9t
  Replies (43) Good night (4921) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?! http://tfl.nu/8o3k
  Replies (18) Good night (1164) Bad night (4457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you. http://tfl.nu/a558
  Replies (9) Good night (4843) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30 http://tfl.nu/ukox
  Replies (15) Good night (5982) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer http://tfl.nu/8v2s
  Replies (14) Good night (1565) Bad night (3321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded. http://tfl.nu/owwz
  Replies (30) Good night (4815) Bad night (3717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy http://tfl.nu/dldv
  Replies (46) Good night (993) Bad night (5265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together... http://tfl.nu/duna
  Replies (76) Good night (2181) Bad night (6568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it http://tfl.nu/ct20
  Replies (29) Good night (5169) Bad night (1550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible. http://tfl.nu/pxku
  Replies (19) Good night (4632) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with. http://tfl.nu/84m6
  Replies (23) Good night (6291) Bad night (1620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup. http://tfl.nu/26kw
  Replies (14) Good night (1271) Bad night (5459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+27): View more from South Africa

  My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+27): My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos. http://tfl.nu/d1hj
  Replies (17) Good night (2247) Bad night (4576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen. http://tfl.nu/1m72
  Replies (47) Good night (11511) Bad night (2162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive. http://tfl.nu/w5b0
  Replies (22) Good night (3091) Bad night (5617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me. http://tfl.nu/8txy
  Replies (13) Good night (1548) Bad night (5826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/xv3v
  Replies (30) Good night (3786) Bad night (1236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear. http://tfl.nu/2r4l
  Replies (18) Good night (7588) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her. http://tfl.nu/8p27
  Replies (20) Good night (5439) Bad night (1680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.

  (231): View more from Michigan

  i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook. (231): i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment. http://tfl.nu/fvdt
  Replies (41) Good night (1895) Bad night (5292)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m. http://tfl.nu/2wu4
  Replies (24) Good night (1168) Bad night (4826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The panties match.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  I'll be right there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): The panties match. (1-847): I'll be right there. http://tfl.nu/jbhz
  Replies (35) Good night (5803) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pregnant just thinking about him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm pregnant just thinking about him. http://tfl.nu/pqtq
  Replies (34) Good night (3137) Bad night (4135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths. http://tfl.nu/2srv
  Replies (38) Good night (10294) Bad night (1929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit" http://tfl.nu/xujf
  Replies (8) Good night (4320) Bad night (1542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (51) Good night (15125) Bad night (3708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of. http://tfl.nu/c6bd
  Replies (21) Good night (9497) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me http://tfl.nu/08l6
  Replies (16) Good night (1155) Bad night (3460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out. http://tfl.nu/f1nl
  Replies (43) Good night (16741) Bad night (1207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!" http://tfl.nu/i1ig
  Replies (16) Good night (1102) Bad night (4137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running. http://tfl.nu/jcc8
  Replies (76) Good night (16208) Bad night (1839)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now. http://tfl.nu/jc3w
  Replies (25) Good night (1251) Bad night (4894)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure. http://tfl.nu/ruyi
  Replies (10) Good night (5824) Bad night (1497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca http://tfl.nu/k60q
  Replies (19) Good night (1213) Bad night (6779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (22) Good night (13953) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted. http://tfl.nu/tz2e
  Replies (41) Good night (16608) Bad night (2164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk! http://tfl.nu/z1cd
  Replies (27) Good night (9066) Bad night (3963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/gibq
  Replies (12) Good night (1099) Bad night (4866)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger http://tfl.nu/nen0
  Replies (32) Good night (11195) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (123) Good night (46587) Bad night (1693)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina http://tfl.nu/a6qo
  Replies (11) Good night (1146) Bad night (4518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i think i left my bra at your place

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): i think i left my bra at your place (1-901): It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there. http://tfl.nu/dg7a
  Replies (22) Good night (10560) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51561) Bad night (2261)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"? http://tfl.nu/n4zp
  Replies (22) Good night (1209) Bad night (7416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home. http://tfl.nu/c9s9
  Replies (45) Good night (11808) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won. http://tfl.nu/w0xy
  Replies (90) Good night (6960) Bad night (1534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i should start naming my morning wood

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  great idea but wrong number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): i should start naming my morning wood (201): great idea but wrong number http://tfl.nu/1p5a
  Replies (24) Good night (8094) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia http://tfl.nu/0tpw
  Replies (28) Good night (6038) Bad night (1670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob http://tfl.nu/rxex
  Replies (22) Good night (889) Bad night (11529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock

  (347): View more from New York

  I THOUGHT I SAW YOU

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock (347): I THOUGHT I SAW YOU http://tfl.nu/jrv0
  Replies (27) Good night (13347) Bad night (1966)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (37103) Bad night (1384)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them http://tfl.nu/szer
  Replies (14) Good night (2273) Bad night (6264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity... http://tfl.nu/ueq6
  Replies (33) Good night (6673) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!" http://tfl.nu/07u8
  Replies (21) Good night (6525) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  Mike i'm at church right now...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis... (1-214): Mike i'm at church right now... http://tfl.nu/uslc
  Replies (17) Good night (4117) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina http://tfl.nu/bmhg
  Replies (100) Good night (6444) Bad night (2166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel." http://tfl.nu/elen
  Replies (61) Good night (4463) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad. http://tfl.nu/8fn1
  Replies (68) Good night (11806) Bad night (2712)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit. (478): I'll get my vaginal cartography poster. http://tfl.nu/m8ec
  Replies (28) Good night (5693) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only. http://tfl.nu/ffub
  Replies (7) Good night (4718) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (16200) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38529) Bad night (1464)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
  Replies (130) Good night (20265) Bad night (2106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises. http://tfl.nu/lren
  Replies (67) Good night (19693) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  put a dollar in it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do (1-319): put a dollar in it? http://tfl.nu/6gdy
  Replies (14) Good night (1077) Bad night (4419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair http://tfl.nu/0fee
  Replies (16) Good night (6205) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  @ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): @ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu <3 (1-248): please stop breathing. http://tfl.nu/7uu5
  Replies (36) Good night (650) Bad night (4903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt? http://tfl.nu/qj8s
  Replies (46) Good night (5388) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked... http://tfl.nu/ab3l
  Replies (27) Good night (6576) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?

  (212): View more from New York

  Vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type? (212): Vagina http://tfl.nu/du5r
  Replies (9) Good night (2080) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.

  (1-716): View more from New York

  momma always taught us never to change for a boy..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack. (1-716): momma always taught us never to change for a boy.. http://tfl.nu/3cjy
  Replies (17) Good night (6252) Bad night (1075)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president" http://tfl.nu/8jue
  Replies (21) Good night (6604) Bad night (1352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86066) Bad night (8376)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way. http://tfl.nu/w85x
  Replies (26) Good night (14708) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt