Texts From Last Night

badasschick16's Favorites Texts:

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  (323): View more from California

  In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.

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  (323): In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink. http://tfl.nu/5x8b
  Replies (5) Good night (528) Bad night (140) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.

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  (401): i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher. http://tfl.nu/v6bw
  Replies (2) Good night (622) Bad night (161)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.

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  (202): She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family. http://tfl.nu/nmso
  Replies (4) Good night (702) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?

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  (630): Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo? http://tfl.nu/ndaq
  Replies (2) Good night (617) Bad night (193) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.

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  (360): A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy. http://tfl.nu/2450
  Replies (4) Good night (1178) Bad night (227) Order T-Shirt
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  (562): View more from California

  New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.

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  (562): New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches. http://tfl.nu/v2w2
  Replies (9) Good night (661) Bad night (270) Order T-Shirt
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  (562): View more from California

  Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.

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  (562): Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight. http://tfl.nu/c5kp
  Replies (4) Good night (581) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys

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  (505): I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys http://tfl.nu/88rh
  Replies (10) Good night (1262) Bad night (205) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.

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  (706): He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex. http://tfl.nu/pzxj
  Replies (5) Good night (1621) Bad night (199) Order T-Shirt
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.

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  (260): He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him. http://tfl.nu/2xzg
  Replies (5) Good night (1312) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.

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  (518): I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen. http://tfl.nu/2oin
  Replies (6) Good night (652) Bad night (161) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?

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  (561): Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun? http://tfl.nu/syxe
  Replies (2) Good night (829) Bad night (151) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  *jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for

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  (410): Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something. (443): *jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for http://tfl.nu/ud0q
  Replies (4) Good night (1285) Bad night (245)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.

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  (516): Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet. http://tfl.nu/uizc
  Replies (16) Good night (2695) Bad night (290) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Somehow he made it really romantic

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.

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  (541): Somehow he made it really romantic (503): He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me. http://tfl.nu/2g7n
  Replies (6) Good night (1184) Bad night (621)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.

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  (563): Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break. http://tfl.nu/2dfj
  Replies (0) Good night (769) Bad night (236) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.

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  (801): Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight. http://tfl.nu/rr81
  Replies (10) Good night (719) Bad night (208) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it

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  (818): Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it http://tfl.nu/vzjc
  Replies (10) Good night (1302) Bad night (241) Order T-Shirt
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  (562): View more from California

  That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.

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  (562): That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation. http://tfl.nu/22zx
  Replies (5) Good night (188) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.

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  (310): My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick. http://tfl.nu/xvdr
  Replies (9) Good night (1622) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.

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  (323): Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud. http://tfl.nu/58eq
  Replies (10) Good night (2423) Bad night (285) Order T-Shirt
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.

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  (620): Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams. http://tfl.nu/9m3g
  Replies (7) Good night (1269) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm just crazy horny about you

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  (215): I'm just crazy horny about you http://tfl.nu/n9zt
  Replies (11) Good night (1589) Bad night (251) Order T-Shirt
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  (562): View more from California

  New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips

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  (562): New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips http://tfl.nu/8ne3
  Replies (2) Good night (575) Bad night (269) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!

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  (702): But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder! http://tfl.nu/rxkw
  Replies (12) Good night (947) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.

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  (407): You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck. http://tfl.nu/hypr
  Replies (5) Good night (467) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?

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  (601): You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench. (1-601): Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan? http://tfl.nu/mbl9
  Replies (17) Good night (1894) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  You fucker.

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  (603): Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age. (1-603): You fucker. http://tfl.nu/7pi3
  Replies (6) Good night (1149) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.

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  (516): She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location. http://tfl.nu/ak9e
  Replies (8) Good night (1111) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.

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  (818): I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car. http://tfl.nu/zey7
  Replies (11) Good night (323) Bad night (1054)
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  (631): View more from New York

  She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.

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  (631): She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/p8fj
  Replies (21) Good night (4573) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof

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  (614): Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof http://tfl.nu/erp7
  Replies (13) Good night (607) Bad night (2265) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.

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  (707): The acoustics in my bra are fantastic. http://tfl.nu/vfao
  Replies (7) Good night (892) Bad night (246) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?

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  (415): Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking? http://tfl.nu/sizi
  Replies (5) Good night (1655) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.

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  (647): Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor. http://tfl.nu/ry4y
  Replies (8) Good night (1265) Bad night (312)
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  (530): View more from California

  Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.

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  (530): Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life. http://tfl.nu/z2vn
  Replies (6) Good night (1728) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want

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  (916): I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want http://tfl.nu/luqp
  Replies (7) Good night (915) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey

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  (845): You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey http://tfl.nu/3j62
  Replies (5) Good night (1239) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You are a booty call, not a friend.

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  (314): You are a booty call, not a friend. http://tfl.nu/bgd1
  Replies (9) Good night (1328) Bad night (1307) Order T-Shirt
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes

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  (386): I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes http://tfl.nu/04pj
  Replies (4) Good night (840) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.

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  (479): Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine. http://tfl.nu/rrcc
  Replies (3) Good night (1717) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"

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  (651): I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift" http://tfl.nu/0adm
  Replies (8) Good night (2907) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

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  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (16197) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Why am I always the sober one?

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...

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  (515): Why am I always the sober one? (641): Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power... http://tfl.nu/bz1n
  Replies (4) Good night (1544) Bad night (357)
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  (805): View more from California

  The air was thick with penises

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  (805): The air was thick with penises http://tfl.nu/1iew
  Replies (4) Good night (1118) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?

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  (440): did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper? http://tfl.nu/1jid
  Replies (8) Good night (1310) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.

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  (914): I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm. http://tfl.nu/kbjg
  Replies (12) Good night (1340) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.

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  (250): Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys. http://tfl.nu/97m7
  Replies (3) Good night (1074) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.

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  (239): Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest. http://tfl.nu/uwa9
  Replies (10) Good night (1347) Bad night (387)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.

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  (919): It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion. http://tfl.nu/luwj
  Replies (9) Good night (2487) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.

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  (574): I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child. http://tfl.nu/o0ig
  Replies (8) Good night (1669) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.

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  (781): And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today. http://tfl.nu/2n0s
  Replies (21) Good night (2625) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
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  (562): View more from California

  Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.

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  (562): Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid. http://tfl.nu/2ztg
  Replies (23) Good night (1920) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt