Texts From Last Night

eLx01's Favorites Texts:

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  (206): View more from Washington

  I will die if light touches me.

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  (206): I will die if light touches me. http://tfl.nu/jner
  Replies (18) Good night (971) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.

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  (810): Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor. http://tfl.nu/mqcd
  Replies (8) Good night (1529) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  She's just so happy...and so naked.

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  (303): She's just so happy...and so naked. http://tfl.nu/5upc
  Replies (3) Good night (2479) Bad night (263) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  FUCK YOU MAN

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  (717): Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in? (1-717): FUCK YOU MAN http://tfl.nu/h049
  Replies (3) Good night (1278) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will be naked everywhere

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  (814): I will be naked everywhere http://tfl.nu/uvl6
  Replies (4) Good night (1470) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!

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  (614): This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up! http://tfl.nu/jjmt
  Replies (13) Good night (5767) Bad night (378)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.

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  (313): Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/aqg4
  Replies (0) Good night (898) Bad night (260) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.

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  (218): You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears. http://tfl.nu/cuw5
  Replies (24) Good night (3709) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.

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  (+61): Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on. http://tfl.nu/q17g
  Replies (13) Good night (2947) Bad night (544)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."

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  (617): I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes." http://tfl.nu/5alc
  Replies (31) Good night (2964) Bad night (945)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.

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  (812): Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs. http://tfl.nu/yev1
  Replies (9) Good night (2653) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.

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  (973): That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that. http://tfl.nu/drll
  Replies (12) Good night (1779) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.

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  (541): I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore. http://tfl.nu/k0jx
  Replies (5) Good night (1454) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

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  (904): Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is. http://tfl.nu/v4zj
  Replies (49) Good night (8797) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!

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  (616): He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science. (1-616): Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world! http://tfl.nu/0fvx
  Replies (10) Good night (4747) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine

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  (815): im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine http://tfl.nu/4lyn
  Replies (27) Good night (5497) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I want to make a zoo with you.

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  (509): I want to make a zoo with you. http://tfl.nu/c924
  Replies (5) Good night (1167) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts

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  (703): i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts http://tfl.nu/gdmu
  Replies (13) Good night (2314) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.

  (516): View more from New York

  was the water running?

  (917): View more from New York City

  yeah but he said he knows how to swim

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  (917): i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower. (516): was the water running? (917): yeah but he said he knows how to swim http://tfl.nu/akph
  Replies (10) Good night (6008) Bad night (854)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.

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  (704): i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand. http://tfl.nu/a9f5
  Replies (10) Good night (3795) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.

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  (248): He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup. http://tfl.nu/dnmt
  Replies (10) Good night (2816) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.

  (1-701): View more from North Dakota

  Jesus, are you hammered?

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.

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  (701): Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus. (1-701): Jesus, are you hammered? (701): Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws. http://tfl.nu/johl
  Replies (26) Good night (3408) Bad night (441)
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  (858): View more from California

  batman tramp stamp. Dibs.

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  (858): batman tramp stamp. Dibs. http://tfl.nu/38kl
  Replies (56) Good night (9997) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.

  (1-310): View more from California

  Make one for john too.

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  (310): I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake. (1-310): Make one for john too. http://tfl.nu/lihh
  Replies (3) Good night (1019) Bad night (1274) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.

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  (907): You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink. http://tfl.nu/mebb
  Replies (29) Good night (4019) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."

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  (859): I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital." http://tfl.nu/3xux
  Replies (7) Good night (3843) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.

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  (949): Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/wgn7
  Replies (10) Good night (1175) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  He smells so good today

  (1-641): View more from Iowa

  Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.

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  (641): He smells so good today (1-641): Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit. http://tfl.nu/5jte
  Replies (13) Good night (1743) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.

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  (617): Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council. http://tfl.nu/w0zb
  Replies (7) Good night (2465) Bad night (362)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Gong!

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT

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  (206): Gong! (1-253): YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT http://tfl.nu/dcri
  Replies (17) Good night (3926) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  How was the bike ride?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.

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  (734): How was the bike ride? (1-734): Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups. http://tfl.nu/2qrl
  Replies (21) Good night (7979) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?

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  (917): Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage? http://tfl.nu/cpvo
  Replies (12) Good night (5129) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?

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  (303): What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil? http://tfl.nu/rel9
  Replies (22) Good night (4764) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.

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  (816): Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples. http://tfl.nu/my8g
  Replies (5) Good night (1868) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you

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  (573): Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you http://tfl.nu/8e5m
  Replies (11) Good night (5931) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?

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  (617): did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant? http://tfl.nu/svwz
  Replies (8) Good night (1719) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.

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  (607): No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk. http://tfl.nu/h3m8
  Replies (14) Good night (1964) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

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  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (50) Good night (23019) Bad night (1291) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens

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  (407): I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens http://tfl.nu/da7z
  Replies (5) Good night (3355) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  ....this is what your political science major is getting you?

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  (405): New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot. (580): ....this is what your political science major is getting you? http://tfl.nu/c72s
  Replies (7) Good night (1773) Bad night (286)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."

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  (716): Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per." http://tfl.nu/jili
  Replies (6) Good night (3757) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I wannas sexs uuuuu

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  (616) I wannas sexs uuuuu http://tfl.nu/1vml
  Replies (7) Good night (1005) Bad night (277) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.

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  (651): okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are. http://tfl.nu/937u
  Replies (9) Good night (4790) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So you're taking me there this weekend?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.

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  (508): Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu (781): So you're taking me there this weekend? (508): oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food. http://tfl.nu/y6ju
  Replies (35) Good night (7033) Bad night (672)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.

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  (519): DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS. http://tfl.nu/77gw
  Replies (16) Good night (5859) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.

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  (212): There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke. http://tfl.nu/73go
  Replies (5) Good night (1919) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.

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  (440): I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire. http://tfl.nu/vw34
  Replies (11) Good night (2736) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt