Texts From Last Night · wildmelvin's Favorites

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wildmelvin's Favorites Texts:

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(330): View more from Ohio

Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.

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(330): View more from Ohio

She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?

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(410): View more from Maryland

We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.

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(303): View more from Colorado

i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(856): View more from New Jersey

we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"

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(865): View more from Tennessee

all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.

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(510): View more from California

I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.

(1-510): View more from California

It was probably Jesus.

(510): View more from California

I feel like he would have left a message.

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(702): View more from Nevada

It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...

(775): View more from Nevada

yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.

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