Texts From Last Night

ersatz's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone http://tfl.nu/c8bq
  Replies (9) Good night (3330) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity. http://tfl.nu/wgjy
  Replies (8) Good night (1792) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell http://tfl.nu/payj
  Replies (4) Good night (2135) Bad night (184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?" http://tfl.nu/i35w
  Replies (9) Good night (3493) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen" http://tfl.nu/8546
  Replies (5) Good night (1688) Bad night (235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut. http://tfl.nu/0bwj
  Replies (26) Good night (3498) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.

  (1-701): View more from North Dakota

  Jesus, are you hammered?

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus. (1-701): Jesus, are you hammered? (701): Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws. http://tfl.nu/johl
  Replies (26) Good night (3756) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?

  (1-701): View more from North Dakota

  No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..? (1-701): No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup" http://tfl.nu/9q23
  Replies (1) Good night (1578) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  That was the greatest thing i have ever read.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping. (314): That was the greatest thing i have ever read. http://tfl.nu/0exi
  Replies (34) Good night (6792) Bad night (1723)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle. http://tfl.nu/34ph
  Replies (64) Good night (998) Bad night (2994)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff http://tfl.nu/b3xl
  Replies (83) Good night (11903) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  What?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a yeast infection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm bakin' bread in my pussy! (1-314): What? (314): I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/o2ns
  Replies (180) Good night (1956) Bad night (28237)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  how high are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos? (828): how high are you? http://tfl.nu/9z76
  Replies (59) Good night (12148) Bad night (1541)
• Favorite

  (974): View more from

  You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (974): You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it. http://tfl.nu/orv6
  Replies (28) Good night (7814) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired. http://tfl.nu/up5u
  Replies (14) Good night (636) Bad night (3616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber http://tfl.nu/w4rq
  Replies (20) Good night (1565) Bad night (4798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death. http://tfl.nu/mvsk
  Replies (12) Good night (955) Bad night (4864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper. http://tfl.nu/3leu
  Replies (16) Good night (9679) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming. http://tfl.nu/4nef
  Replies (51) Good night (8516) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (104) Good night (38292) Bad night (1724)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (188) Good night (56848) Bad night (4690)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket" http://tfl.nu/imu3
  Replies (13) Good night (9112) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids. http://tfl.nu/zjz8
  Replies (6) Good night (7375) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made. http://tfl.nu/hust
  Replies (22) Good night (8645) Bad night (1192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73390) Bad night (2472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night. http://tfl.nu/k6rq
  Replies (32) Good night (4207) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  im so drunk with asians

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  where?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  always

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): im so drunk with asians (1-614): where? (614): always http://tfl.nu/is91
  Replies (43) Good night (7292) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work? http://tfl.nu/5kkn
  Replies (13) Good night (477) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat. http://tfl.nu/8o5d
  Replies (18) Good night (2922) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (35511) Bad night (963)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life. http://tfl.nu/pg4a
  Replies (2) Good night (808) Bad night (2821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look. http://tfl.nu/n3uw
  Replies (16) Good night (4794) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs" http://tfl.nu/7byd
  Replies (5) Good night (1048) Bad night (4178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians. http://tfl.nu/rppl
  Replies (118) Good night (37794) Bad night (1295)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you http://tfl.nu/rx95
  Replies (11) Good night (1098) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around. http://tfl.nu/tfd4
  Replies (12) Good night (1502) Bad night (4815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to? http://tfl.nu/yov7
  Replies (25) Good night (821) Bad night (2626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours. http://tfl.nu/f53e
  Replies (40) Good night (14613) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high. http://tfl.nu/tn40
  Replies (18) Good night (8030) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust. http://tfl.nu/xny1
  Replies (31) Good night (3831) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?

  (281): View more from Texas

  Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring? (281): Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later" http://tfl.nu/iga6
  Replies (24) Good night (1273) Bad night (4194)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting. (608): Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro. http://tfl.nu/1sa0
  Replies (18) Good night (1032) Bad night (2429)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish. http://tfl.nu/lwox
  Replies (42) Good night (19859) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt