Texts From Last Night

fogitnozzel's Favorites Texts:

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.

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  (404): Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits. http://tfl.nu/2cej
  Replies (10) Good night (9521) Bad night (772)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.

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  (712): I just negotiated a blow job for an interview. http://tfl.nu/ow0d
  Replies (15) Good night (3683) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
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  (830): View more from Texas

  we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient

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  (830): we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient http://tfl.nu/vzth
  Replies (12) Good night (1090) Bad night (3476)
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  (516): View more from New York

  There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face

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  (516): There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face http://tfl.nu/9y4h
  Replies (55) Good night (21386) Bad night (1257) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."

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  (919): Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform." http://tfl.nu/nw1x
  Replies (11) Good night (5259) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.

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  (317): Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother. http://tfl.nu/z8j5
  Replies (28) Good night (1601) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.

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  (503): iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane. http://tfl.nu/zl9e
  Replies (18) Good night (6382) Bad night (1005)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again

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  (815): Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again http://tfl.nu/470y
  Replies (203) Good night (44798) Bad night (3936) Order T-Shirt
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  (806): View more from Texas

  with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.

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  (806): with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible. http://tfl.nu/qot7
  Replies (31) Good night (10060) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.

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  (408): He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it. http://tfl.nu/0bv4
  Replies (54) Good night (6881) Bad night (1376) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.

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  (504): Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine. http://tfl.nu/uqy7
  Replies (13) Good night (2013) Bad night (2520) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.

  (1-651): View more from Minnesota

  called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.

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  (651): just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot. (1-651): called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck. http://tfl.nu/1omb
  Replies (18) Good night (5896) Bad night (1387)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.

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  (253): Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style. http://tfl.nu/lnre
  Replies (30) Good night (10682) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.

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  (218): Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job. http://tfl.nu/z804
  Replies (12) Good night (915) Bad night (3763) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.

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  (419): I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars. http://tfl.nu/ussa
  Replies (37) Good night (2067) Bad night (7613) Order T-Shirt
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.

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  (386): Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation. http://tfl.nu/xc4n
  Replies (27) Good night (5194) Bad night (1657) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon

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  (415): had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon http://tfl.nu/bpcz
  Replies (8) Good night (2977) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...

  (805): View more from California

  i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"

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  (818): i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday... (805): i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it" http://tfl.nu/3fjc
  Replies (22) Good night (6540) Bad night (1526)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.

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  (917): And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating. http://tfl.nu/qged
  Replies (19) Good night (5593) Bad night (1490) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?

  (407): View more from Florida

  i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery

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  (561): hey can i ask you a kinda weird question? (407): i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery http://tfl.nu/88o8
  Replies (28) Good night (5326) Bad night (526)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.

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  (713): I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more. http://tfl.nu/mxjh
  Replies (18) Good night (4160) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You know i think she's just using me for sex

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  I hate you.

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  (608): You know i think she's just using me for sex (1-608): I hate you. http://tfl.nu/pxkn
  Replies (13) Good night (5376) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.

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  (612): I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school. http://tfl.nu/cnqq
  Replies (88) Good night (879) Bad night (11030) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.

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  (248): he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question. http://tfl.nu/v6vq
  Replies (11) Good night (884) Bad night (4466) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about

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  (330): apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about http://tfl.nu/0nal
  Replies (12) Good night (5323) Bad night (1129) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.

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  (715): Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy! (218): I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head. http://tfl.nu/0svk
  Replies (29) Good night (4761) Bad night (1720)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.

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  (765): After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself. http://tfl.nu/i4wo
  Replies (14) Good night (1652) Bad night (5623)
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  (858): View more from California

  Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.

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  (858): Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today. http://tfl.nu/g96b
  Replies (10) Good night (3323) Bad night (1295) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.

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  (832): I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets. http://tfl.nu/n0nj
  Replies (8) Good night (4599) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"

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  (419): Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get" http://tfl.nu/yg96
  Replies (23) Good night (8766) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm in love with you.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  huh?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.

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  (860): I'm in love with you. (1-860): huh? (860): Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it. http://tfl.nu/in9v
  Replies (14) Good night (3064) Bad night (653)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband

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  (616): Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband http://tfl.nu/lbgd
  Replies (20) Good night (5852) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.

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  (619): Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen. http://tfl.nu/rhei
  Replies (27) Good night (1386) Bad night (6327) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.

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  (703): They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait. http://tfl.nu/6f6p
  Replies (18) Good night (954) Bad night (5125) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.

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  (404): It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning. http://tfl.nu/70c1
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.

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  (253): I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex. http://tfl.nu/rq63
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.

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  (425): Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight. http://tfl.nu/mywq
  Replies (14) Good night (5476) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...

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  (865): His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation... http://tfl.nu/uas5
  Replies (24) Good night (4478) Bad night (1354) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.

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  (570): I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days. http://tfl.nu/quks
  Replies (42) Good night (5558) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.

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  (716): Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon. http://tfl.nu/t979
  Replies (40) Good night (8315) Bad night (2348)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

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  (630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock. http://tfl.nu/njgo
  Replies (166) Good night (28072) Bad night (2553) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal

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  (412): I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal http://tfl.nu/ode2
  Replies (66) Good night (2084) Bad night (4407) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We need to hang out more often

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  (419): Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol. (708): We need to hang out more often http://tfl.nu/04n9
  Replies (13) Good night (2633) Bad night (469)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.

  (989): View more from Michigan

  you're going for the gold here.

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  (906): i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage. (989): you're going for the gold here. http://tfl.nu/773u
  Replies (9) Good night (2595) Bad night (426)