Texts From Last Night

VIP's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything... http://tfl.nu/rago
  Replies (19) Good night (2757) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.

  (1+44): View more from

  When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man. (1+44): When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree. http://tfl.nu/esvb
  Replies (9) Good night (1560) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I can't believe you blew on her face.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I can't believe you blew on her face. (1-662): I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes. http://tfl.nu/gk09
  Replies (78) Good night (2417) Bad night (1594)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused. http://tfl.nu/ocgb
  Replies (32) Good night (709) Bad night (2246)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol http://tfl.nu/0mrj
  Replies (2) Good night (2565) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  im sober

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): im sober (920): you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive http://tfl.nu/hm58
  Replies (3) Good night (2309) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey http://tfl.nu/5avv
  Replies (4) Good night (1557) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away. http://tfl.nu/k6q1
  Replies (13) Good night (6248) Bad night (763)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore. http://tfl.nu/oorw
  Replies (3) Good night (3998) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar http://tfl.nu/nzkd
  Replies (21) Good night (8395) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms. http://tfl.nu/i073
  Replies (3) Good night (1465) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch http://tfl.nu/zban
  Replies (28) Good night (8590) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk. http://tfl.nu/hrak
  Replies (4) Good night (3225) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit. http://tfl.nu/pnw4
  Replies (9) Good night (1934) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha http://tfl.nu/j31u
  Replies (7) Good night (2404) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila http://tfl.nu/efvv
  Replies (8) Good night (1520) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this" http://tfl.nu/ckz0
  Replies (6) Good night (1124) Bad night (1768)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot... http://tfl.nu/oqxd
  Replies (17) Good night (8105) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland. http://tfl.nu/6qxu
  Replies (7) Good night (733) Bad night (1103) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties. http://tfl.nu/nqyr
  Replies (9) Good night (2752) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed. http://tfl.nu/np6x
  Replies (5) Good night (1660) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along. http://tfl.nu/rnt1
  Replies (3) Good night (2450) Bad night (517)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me

  (619): View more from California

  that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me (619): that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box. http://tfl.nu/s7vm
  Replies (7) Good night (1534) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch http://tfl.nu/21eo
  Replies (8) Good night (2169) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18. http://tfl.nu/z1g3
  Replies (14) Good night (3294) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.

  (916): View more from California

  You're drunk. Make complete sentences.

  (925): View more from California

  It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it. (916): You're drunk. Make complete sentences. (925): It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand. http://tfl.nu/78xl
  Replies (13) Good night (2358) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970 http://tfl.nu/x6yp
  Replies (13) Good night (496) Bad night (2937)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless. http://tfl.nu/4zx2
  Replies (9) Good night (811) Bad night (2080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me. http://tfl.nu/23ps
  Replies (8) Good night (3881) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (244): View more from

  There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (244): There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other http://tfl.nu/rd7y
  Replies (2) Good night (1623) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase http://tfl.nu/khjs
  Replies (3) Good night (1456) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice! http://tfl.nu/fa1l
  Replies (7) Good night (3065) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud. http://tfl.nu/70be
  Replies (10) Good night (2651) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast... http://tfl.nu/hk8s
  Replies (6) Good night (1386) Bad night (1417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT http://tfl.nu/r8ka
  Replies (21) Good night (6766) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye. http://tfl.nu/8nzh
  Replies (4) Good night (598) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder. http://tfl.nu/zfbm
  Replies (12) Good night (2841) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic http://tfl.nu/g9j9
  Replies (4) Good night (1276) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing. http://tfl.nu/nh19
  Replies (9) Good night (1734) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss. http://tfl.nu/246p
  Replies (5) Good night (602) Bad night (1281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high. http://tfl.nu/02yt
  Replies (19) Good night (3531) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical http://tfl.nu/7e1z
  Replies (7) Good night (4122) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time. http://tfl.nu/je0g
  Replies (14) Good night (2381) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do." http://tfl.nu/0gsj
  Replies (8) Good night (3485) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying. http://tfl.nu/uj2j
  Replies (3) Good night (1981) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  Um. I literally have no words.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service. (1-419): Um. I literally have no words. http://tfl.nu/ua9g
  Replies (3) Good night (1849) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am. http://tfl.nu/rp62
  Replies (8) Good night (704) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car http://tfl.nu/ipv6
  Replies (3) Good night (1892) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone... http://tfl.nu/fbxy
  Replies (8) Good night (713) Bad night (2259) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us. (1-304): Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat? (304): No there was a goat. I gave it a donut. http://tfl.nu/bds8
  Replies (15) Good night (6258) Bad night (764)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good. http://tfl.nu/bkrn
  Replies (2) Good night (3320) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk. http://tfl.nu/e4bz
  Replies (12) Good night (839) Bad night (4060)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that. http://tfl.nu/wq84
  Replies (7) Good night (1263) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time. http://tfl.nu/qns1
  Replies (4) Good night (2724) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me. http://tfl.nu/3e5v
  Replies (9) Good night (1489) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head http://tfl.nu/nc7k
  Replies (6) Good night (3083) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever http://tfl.nu/gvxq
  Replies (21) Good night (10424) Bad night (1839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around. http://tfl.nu/tfd4
  Replies (12) Good night (1499) Bad night (4813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them http://tfl.nu/nuwa
  Replies (8) Good night (1444) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada. http://tfl.nu/cunl
  Replies (200) Good night (7920) Bad night (2456)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture. http://tfl.nu/g8h6
  Replies (30) Good night (5310) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt