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One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
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