Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.

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  (610): You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift. http://tfl.nu/nll4
  Replies (8) Good night (3920) Bad night (964)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...

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  (716): Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises... http://tfl.nu/8fi6
  Replies (13) Good night (5421) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship

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  (252): I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship http://tfl.nu/ldcl
  Replies (21) Good night (4264) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

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  (816): That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again http://tfl.nu/xxfj
  Replies (67) Good night (12698) Bad night (2188) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"

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  (816): Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you" http://tfl.nu/hln2
  Replies (19) Good night (6866) Bad night (1888) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  What did u do?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..

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  (540): so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn.. (1-540): What did u do? (540): turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him.. http://tfl.nu/pi8a
  Replies (50) Good night (11051) Bad night (867)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me

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  (615): so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me http://tfl.nu/hnft
  Replies (47) Good night (1094) Bad night (2802) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

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  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (165) Good night (90335) Bad night (3901) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

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  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (127) Good night (127256) Bad night (2868) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

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  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (203) Good night (116949) Bad night (3311) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142359) Bad night (9361) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168535) Bad night (42236) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them

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  (412): I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them http://tfl.nu/s8n3
  Replies (30) Good night (5276) Bad night (1569) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.

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  (561): I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on. http://tfl.nu/csv9
  Replies (14) Good night (4882) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I wish they made sweatshirts for legs

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  you mean pants?

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  (602): I wish they made sweatshirts for legs (1-602): you mean pants? http://tfl.nu/ceop
  Replies (38) Good night (8505) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.

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  (512): I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up. http://tfl.nu/4fq7
  Replies (14) Good night (579) Bad night (2160) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty

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  (860): Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty http://tfl.nu/6xch
  Replies (14) Good night (4356) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

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  (215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo
  Replies (53) Good night (12017) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?

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  (205): Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in? http://tfl.nu/qt1z
  Replies (15) Good night (5195) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?

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  (703): just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life? http://tfl.nu/fbf0
  Replies (43) Good night (4016) Bad night (1509) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?

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  (770): We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date? http://tfl.nu/cigl
  Replies (16) Good night (3761) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.

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  (717): he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three. http://tfl.nu/q18f
  Replies (36) Good night (6449) Bad night (1197) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.

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  (623): So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving. http://tfl.nu/wfwo
  Replies (83) Good night (3715) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.

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  (970): Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month. http://tfl.nu/7dyi
  Replies (29) Good night (14547) Bad night (901)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.

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  (609): So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that. http://tfl.nu/rpbd
  Replies (33) Good night (5544) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

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  (619): Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes. http://tfl.nu/4wgk
  Replies (45) Good night (28394) Bad night (1994) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS

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  (419): All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS http://tfl.nu/2lvs
  Replies (17) Good night (3926) Bad night (1918) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?

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  (317): What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy? http://tfl.nu/iupy
  Replies (20) Good night (1264) Bad night (3288) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night

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  (724): I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night http://tfl.nu/2zdr
  Replies (8) Good night (4306) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "

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  (405): i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it. (1-405): i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. " http://tfl.nu/mvrv
  Replies (40) Good night (9586) Bad night (944)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

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  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22347) Bad night (1531)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

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  (603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8
  Replies (32) Good night (17635) Bad night (1200)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

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  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
  Replies (39) Good night (16140) Bad night (1254)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.

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  (305): After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it. http://tfl.nu/d686
  Replies (31) Good night (5138) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.

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  (715): i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead. http://tfl.nu/xiio
  Replies (14) Good night (1962) Bad night (7464) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.

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  (630): I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate. http://tfl.nu/tob7
  Replies (18) Good night (5298) Bad night (1796)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.

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  (267): I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does. http://tfl.nu/0qfz
  Replies (25) Good night (5303) Bad night (969)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now

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  (267): We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now http://tfl.nu/1wl1
  Replies (29) Good night (5127) Bad night (1363) Order T-Shirt