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Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
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