happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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