You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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