I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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