We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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