i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
