her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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