I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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