come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
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Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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