Texts From Last Night

kilburnciara's Favorites Texts:

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.

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  (402): She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago. http://tfl.nu/udi4
  Replies (4) Good night (458) Bad night (1160)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil

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  (507): I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil http://tfl.nu/ueg4
  Replies (7) Good night (762) Bad night (1511) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  When were you at my house?

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  (913): I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home. (785): When were you at my house? http://tfl.nu/k6cm
  Replies (5) Good night (2769) Bad night (639)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??

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  (603): As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right?? http://tfl.nu/yy40
  Replies (32) Good night (3845) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.

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  (217): Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks. http://tfl.nu/w6yk
  Replies (6) Good night (2029) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?

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  (973): I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night? http://tfl.nu/cbpu
  Replies (8) Good night (6566) Bad night (778)
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  (408): View more from California

  We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.

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  (408): We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices. http://tfl.nu/tes7
  Replies (5) Good night (2320) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"

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  (774): she's crying while babbling "all i do is win" http://tfl.nu/5fua
  Replies (10) Good night (3631) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....

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  (630): The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time.... http://tfl.nu/q5xm
  Replies (5) Good night (2985) Bad night (1316) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.

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  (610): You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift. http://tfl.nu/nll4
  Replies (8) Good night (3912) Bad night (960)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal

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  (706): saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal http://tfl.nu/ml27
  Replies (11) Good night (4583) Bad night (1825) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...

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  (202): Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again... http://tfl.nu/efr4
  Replies (5) Good night (2930) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.

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  (615): Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again. http://tfl.nu/rwfi
  Replies (17) Good night (4185) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.

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  (712): i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat. http://tfl.nu/sn6a
  Replies (5) Good night (3656) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes

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  (713): I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes http://tfl.nu/wjig
  Replies (41) Good night (5185) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.

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  (732): It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown. http://tfl.nu/wms3
  Replies (6) Good night (5275) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.

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  (410): I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator. http://tfl.nu/m1m0
  Replies (10) Good night (1413) Bad night (2928) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face

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  (516): There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face http://tfl.nu/9y4h
  Replies (55) Good night (21363) Bad night (1235) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge

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  (828): then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge http://tfl.nu/hh8c
  Replies (10) Good night (4086) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am

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  (302): in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am http://tfl.nu/qmyh
  Replies (5) Good night (2295) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.

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  (617): Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here. http://tfl.nu/6cd7
  Replies (4) Good night (2809) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian

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  (503): Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian http://tfl.nu/9eu3
  Replies (30) Good night (6642) Bad night (2630)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout

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  (612): So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout http://tfl.nu/u300
  Replies (6) Good night (2473) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.

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  (507): I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER. http://tfl.nu/g7c4
  Replies (20) Good night (5433) Bad night (1247) Order T-Shirt
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.

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  (575): Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again. http://tfl.nu/4z0a
  Replies (5) Good night (3943) Bad night (1446) Order T-Shirt
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...

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  (763): lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab... http://tfl.nu/1m3b
  Replies (2) Good night (1400) Bad night (2585) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.

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  (413): you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006. http://tfl.nu/ojn9
  Replies (8) Good night (1465) Bad night (4696)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?

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  (860): What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang? http://tfl.nu/anu5
  Replies (37) Good night (4951) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.

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  (205): i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail. http://tfl.nu/mxx0
  Replies (15) Good night (6095) Bad night (1755) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet

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  (215): Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet http://tfl.nu/qzss
  Replies (11) Good night (4803) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....

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  (708): You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark.... http://tfl.nu/9a89
  Replies (5) Good night (5172) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods

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  (706): They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods http://tfl.nu/a68f
  Replies (13) Good night (6854) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  The pine trees are waving at me.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Put the pipe down honey.

  (253): View more from Washington

  Hi trees.

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  (253): The pine trees are waving at me. (907): Put the pipe down honey. (253): Hi trees. http://tfl.nu/6b23
  Replies (17) Good night (7977) Bad night (1533)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"

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  (902): You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear" http://tfl.nu/r2vo
  Replies (7) Good night (6804) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.

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  (609): You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke. http://tfl.nu/1rx3
  Replies (8) Good night (6796) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.

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  (917): He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm. http://tfl.nu/al4b
  Replies (8) Good night (6941) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.

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  (402): On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms. http://tfl.nu/59ye
  Replies (35) Good night (8280) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
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  (+54): View more from

  look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.

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  (+54): look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels. http://tfl.nu/ux1z
  Replies (11) Good night (7068) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location

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  (518): September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location http://tfl.nu/jdkq
  Replies (16) Good night (9246) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.

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  (614): i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat. http://tfl.nu/0ifj
  Replies (9) Good night (3472) Bad night (1594) Order T-Shirt
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  (239): View more from Florida

  While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".

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  (239): While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth". http://tfl.nu/xyop
  Replies (6) Good night (4977) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon

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  (403): well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon http://tfl.nu/7c63
  Replies (6) Good night (3382) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.

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  (859): you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it. http://tfl.nu/q4is
  Replies (33) Good night (9322) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.

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  (301): I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged. http://tfl.nu/aoku
  Replies (14) Good night (554) Bad night (3500) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

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  (330): just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people. http://tfl.nu/iaht
  Replies (12) Good night (13195) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt