Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Follow @tfln