he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize