Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
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we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
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Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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