remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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