Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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