I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
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You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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