Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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