i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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