Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize