After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize