Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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