I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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