Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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