I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize