Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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