Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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