My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize