In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
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What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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