I'm jealous of your bromance
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize