im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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