you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize