Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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